


You Are The Only One Who Needs To Know

by lynnwrites



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: A Tiny Smudgeon Of Violence, Actor Steve, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BAMF!Steve, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, But Mostly Oblivious Steve, Crossdressing, Crushes, Declarations Of Love, Drinking, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Bucky, Oblivious Steve, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Bucky, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Rimming, Slow Build, Switching, You'll Like It Though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:06:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnwrites/pseuds/lynnwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CASTING CALL: skinny, blonde, female</p><p>Well... Two out of three isn't that bad, right?</p><p>Ignored in the business for years, Steve finds a new way to make his presence known in Hollywood. It only requires him to wear a dress every so often. And for his best friend and long-time crush to pretend to be his protective boyfriend. Perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, emotions: I had a rough summer where I lost confidence in my own writing so this fic was beta'd by 4 people I'm guessing.  
> My eternal thanks to[thekingandthelionheart](http://thekingandthelionheart.tumblr.com/),[viper-seven](http://viper-seven.tumblr.com/),[jamesbarnestbh](http://jamesbarnestbh.tumblr.com/),[misspaperjoker](http://misspaperjoker.tumblr.com/). You lovely bunch of enablers <3

Steve takes a few seconds to wipe the leftover traces of disappointment off his face before he opens the door to his apartment. As he suspected on the way home, he is met with the hopeful faces of his best friends Bucky, Sam, and Nat.

“How was it, buddy?”

“Did you get the part?”

“What did they say?”

This never gets any easier. Every time a casting director rejects him, no matter how polite they are about it, he has to face reality twice. Once when they tell him, and then again when he gets home to see the hopeful smiles on his friends’ faces.

It doesn’t take them long to figure out what happened, and Steve is tired of pretending he’s okay with it.

“This fucking sucks, okay! How am I ever gonna become an actor when all they ever need is big, beefy dudes with eight-packs and thighs you can crush watermelons with? I’m so tired of reading for background parts and not even getting those.” He’s exhausted. Acting is Steve’s lifelong dream, but at the rate this is going, a dream it shall remain.

He’s so lucky to have his friends to fall back on.

“Well, I think you deserve a drink.” Sam offers. “We _all_ deserve one.”

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER**

They’ve all had _a lot_ to drink. And the conversation is, unfortunately, still focused on the audition.

“But there have to be movies where they aren’t looking for the typical man’s man, right?” Natasha asks, voice slightly slurring. “Surely someone’s out there, looking for a skinny blond stud?”

“The only skinny blondes they’re casting are the female roles,” Steve huffs out. “Nobody ever needs-“

Steve stops when he sees all three of them staring at him. “What? What’s going on?”

“That’s it, Steve!” Bucky practically shouts.

The alcohol clearly did a number on his brain, because he doesn’t seem to get what- oh no.   _Oh no_.

“Oh nonononono. You’re not saying what I think you’re saying.” He looks at his friends incredulously. “Are you serious?”

“Steve, you’d make a beautiful woman,” Bucky says, looking up and down his body.

“It’s true,” Natasha agrees. “You have the physique for it.”

“Sam, tell me you’re the sane one here. This is horseshit, right?!” Steve has sobered up completely, nerves racing with excitement. “This is too crazy.”

Sam sits up and looks him straight in the eyes. “This could work, Steve. If you really want to act in movies, and be recognized for your talent… It would just be a costume to put on, or… or a uniform.”

“Yeah, if all you have to do to get the job of your dreams is put on different clothes, wear a wig and some make-up, that doesn’t seem like much, right?” Bucky reasons.

Steve can’t believe he’s actually warming up to the idea. He could do this. It’s crazy, and stupid, and it’s probably the alcohol talking, but it _just might work_.

“Okay. Okay, let’s try it.”

* * *

 

The next day, Steve is standing in a dressing room, and this is starting to seem like less and less of a good idea. Natasha decided to take him to this store, and Steve’s just waiting for her to come back with some clothing options. He already felt awkward going to the ladies’ dressing rooms, but it would be more awkward for Nat to bring dresses into the men’s dressing rooms. He nearly gets a heart attack when the curtain opens, and he doesn’t feel any better after seeing the armful of clothing Nat is carrying.

“What the hell is all of that?”

She drops everything on the bench and closes the curtain behind her. “You didn’t think you’d just pull on a dress and be done with it, right? It takes a lot of work to look this good, and frankly, Rogers, you need some work.”

He wants to protest, but then he compares himself to Nat in the mirror. Yeah, there’s a lot of work to be done.

* * *

 

They end up buying six dresses and a bunch of tops and skirts he can combine. At least that’s what Nat told him they bought. And somehow, while Steve was trying on dresses, Nat managed to pick him up some things in the lingerie store. But no matter how much he whines on the way back to his apartment, she refuses to tell him what she bought, telling him with a coy smile, “You’ll see.”

Sam and Bucky are huddled up behind a laptop when they get back.

“Steve, listen, we found you the perfect role! Pierce Entertainment has sent out a casting call for a lead actress in their newest film,” Bucky announces.

Steve still can’t quite believe he’s actually doing this. “That’s great, Buck! What’s the movie about?”

“It looks like one of those superhero movies. You’d be playing the hero’s love interest,” Sam explains. “Do you think you’d be up for that?”

This is why he wanted to become an actor, Steve reminds himself. He wanted to play in big movies, impress crowds, make a difference. If he has to do that in drag, so be it.

“When are auditions?”

* * *

 

Steve has been staring at the items on his bed for the last 10 minutes. Natasha volunteered to pick out his outfit, and put it on the bed. Apparently, in order of how to put it on. This is not getting any clearer.

“Natasha, do I need to wear all of this? Why is there so much?” he shouts through his bedroom door.

“Yes, Steve. Start with the underwear and work your way up!” she yells back at him.

Okay. He can do this. Just start with the underwear. There are two pairs. Start with the smallest? _Just start putting things on, Steve, this isn’t brain surgery._

He pulls on the black panties. Those…are surprisingly comfy. Next are the nude stockings. He shaved his legs at Natasha’s request, but he’s clearly not an expert at that; best to cover up, then. He pauses to look in the mirror. He looks like a Ken doll right now. Apart from the soft, but still prominent bulge in his panties.

“Natasha! Are you sure-“

“Put on the Spanx, Steve!”

Spanx. Those must be the second pair of underwear. He wriggles his way into those and checks the mirror again. The bulge is less prominent now.

“Kay, never mind!” he yells at his door again.

Okay. The downstairs department seems to be in order. Then he spots the bra. Why would he need a bra? Some girls are just flat-chested, right? Although he supposes he needs to use all the tricks he can to convince people he’s actually a woman.  He’s not gonna ask for Natasha’s help again, though; she’s about ready to rip his head off at this point. And besides…he _is_ kind of intrigued. After all, the panties feel great.

But why, for the love of God, did the bra need to be _bright red_? And _lacy_? And- _oh_ , that actually feels nice. He clasps it at the front and glides it around his body, because how the hell do you clasp it without looking? He puts the straps on his shoulders and enjoys the feeling of the lace against his skin. The cups are padded, not too much, just enough to give the illusion of small breasts. He glances in the mirror again.

“Mother of...“ he trails off at the sight of his reflection. He looks _amazing_. This little experiment is revealing all kinds of stuff he didn’t know about himself.

Lastly, he puts on the burgundy shirt dress Natasha picked out for him. The neckline is a little deep, because he can spot the edges of his bra, but he looks and feels stunning.

He takes a deep breath and steps into the living room. Natasha is sporting a knowing smirk, but Bucky and Sam are staring at him, mouths wide open.

“What? Do I look terrible? Do I look like a dude? What’s wrong? Say something!” he stammers.

“You look great, man,” Sam replies with a grin. “You’re gonna knock ‘em out.”

“Steve…” Bucky finally speaks. “You look gorgeous. I mean, uh...you know, you look… aesthetically pleasing.”

“Okay, Buck, thanks for that contribution,” Natasha interrupts. “Steve, come try on these heels.”

Steve turns to hide his blush at Bucky’s comment and gets his feet into the brown leather ankle boots, glad that he can’t fall out of those, and practices walking around his and Bucky’s apartment.

This reminds him of that time when he was nine and his mom caught him in her best shoes. He’d been a little jealous of Ma for being able to wear them, and annoyed that all his shoes were just so bland. So he took them out one day, when he thought his mom was at the store, and very carefully put them on. He felt so delicate, so _happy_ , so _free_. His mom had come home early, and before his first scared tear had rolled down his cheek, she had hugged him, kissed him on his forehead, and told him those shoes were for special occasions only. But if he wanted, he could wear them for a bit on Sundays. He’d only done it a few times, cherishing that special feeling, surprised at the joy he felt every time he put those heels on. And then when his mom passed, he just stopped doing it at all.

“You are so lucky the pixie cut isn’t out of style yet.” Natasha’s voice snaps him out of his daydreaming. “If we had to put a wig on you, the makeup and hair department would see right through your little charade in no time.” Natasha ruffles his hair playfully, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Bucky leave the room. He really hopes Bucky didn’t notice his blush earlier. He’s had a little thing for his roommate ever since they were kids. Sometimes he likes to think Bucky is interested in him as well, but he’s never done anything about it, and Steve doesn’t want to press the issue. They’ve known each other for so long, he would hate to ruin their friendship. He can’t help but smile, though, thinking back to the awkward compliment. Even if Bucky wasn’t interested in him, Steve was still allowed to dream. And if those dreams got him a little hot and bothered, and he had to do some ‘self-care’ in the morning, well, that was just for Steve to know.

“Just a little bit of product and you’re done-“

“Great!” he exclaims. He was never able to sit still long.

“-with the hair. Gotta paint your face, sweetie.” Natasha smiles at him.

It takes them another hour before he’s completely done with his look, and when he looks in the mirror, he’s surprised again. He makes a real pretty lady.

“Here’s your paperwork, Steve. You are now Stephanie ‘Stevie’ Rogers, born and raised in Brooklyn, New York!” Sam hands him his new identification papers.

“Thanks, man! How did you get all this so quickly?”

“Don’t worry about it, I know a guy,” Sam responds with a smirk.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve can’t believe it. _He can’t fucking believe it._ He got the part. He is now cast as Melanie Jefferson, love interest to David Thorn in the new Pierce Entertainment movie _Black Rose_.

He hates how surprisingly easy it was. He went in, did his lines with some guy named Brock Rumlow, answered a few questions about himself, and he was hired 10 minutes later. Apparently Rumlow had  already been cast as the lead and told the casting director how well they got along. The guy kinda gave him the creeps, but he did get him the job.

He takes his cell out of his purse (the purse Natasha bought him to match his shoes) and calls the first person he wants to tell.

“Hey Stephanie, what’s up?” Bucky is clearly smiling at the other end.

“Call Nat and Sam over, we need to celebrate.” He can imagine Bucky fist-pumping at home. “See you in 30.”

 

* * *

 

Steve desperately needs to slow down on his drinking. It’s 2 a.m. and he has had one too many drinks by now, still excited from getting the job. Alcohol makes him nice and loose, but it also makes him imagine things. He  _thinks_ he caught Bucky staring at him a few times during the night, but with the dim lighting in the apartment, Bucky could just as well have been staring at the book shelves. Steve gulps down the last of his beer and sees it again. Bucky  _is_ looking at him, no? But when he looks towards Bucky, he’s in conversation with Natasha. Steve is obviously imagining things.

It’s just a little later when Nat and Sam decide to go across the hall to their own apartment and Steve and Bucky silently move towards their respective bedrooms. The vibe between him and Bucky feels a little off tonight.

When Steve gets to his room and tries to undress, he gets caught in his dress somehow. He nearly falls over and starts to giggle, tipsy and amused at being held captive by his clothes.

“Bucky!” He shouts from his bedroom. “Can you come help me with this, please?”

Bucky walks in, still not speaking, but smiles affectionately when he sees Steve in his predicament. He helps Steve pull the dress up and off, before stopping and staring at Steve’s chest.

“What…?” He looks down at himself and remembers the bra. He can’t help but chuckle. His drunk self is so much braver than his regular self. “Oh! You like?” He shimmies his chest a little, no doubt embarrassing himself greatly. Bucky quickly looks away, but Steve still notices the blush on his cheeks. Steve clears his throat. “Thanks.”

Bucky gives a little shrug. “Night, Steve.” Then he turns, goes to his own room and closes the door. Steve finishes undressing, telling himself he’s only imagining things.

 

* * *

 

Things are going well, movie-wise. They’re a few weeks into shooting now, and Steve has been enjoying himself. He is reminded every day that this is what he loves to do. He loves acting, but he also loves everything that surrounds it. He loves talking to the crew, walking around backstage, gossiping with his fellow actors. He’s become very close friends with Peggy Carter, who plays the villain of _Black Rose_ , Nettle. They get along great, and they use their time off-camera to talk about what a sleazebag Brock Rumlow is. Occasionally they even discuss fashion, because Steve has been studying with Natasha.

Today however, they’re talking about relationships. They’re both done with shooting for the day, and they’re relaxing in front of their trailers. Peggy has been talking about her girlfriend for the last 10 minutes, and Steve has started daydreaming. Things between him and Bucky have been a little weird the past couple of weeks. Ever since that night he got hired, they’ve been talking less, hanging out less. He’s not entirely sure what happened to make it so awkward, but Steve doesn’t like it one bit. He just hopes things will slowly get back to normal soon.

“What are you thinking about?” Peggy interrupts his train of thought. “Or rather, _who_ are you thinking about?”

“Huh? Oh, no one. Sorry, what were you saying?” Steve deflects.

She sees straight through him. “Stevie, you’re into men, right?”

How is he this nervous answering that question? Women don’t get nervous when asked if they like men!

“Uh-uh…” he stammers. “Um, yeah. Yep.” _Super smooth, Rogers._

“Okay.” He sees her smiling. “So, who’s on your mind? Why do you look so worried?”

He falters. “Just a friend.”

“Look, Stevie, I know we only met a few weeks ago, but…” She pauses. “If you want to, and only if you want to, you can talk to me, okay? No judgement.”

He looks up at her suddenly, worried she might suspect something, but he’s startled by a car horn.

How could he forget; today is Bucky’s turn to pick him up. This job thing would be a lot easier if he had his own car, or if he could drive for that matter. But seeing as neither is the case, his friends have been taking turns picking him up and dropping him off. And today is Bucky’s day. Of-fucking-course.

He turns to say goodbye to Peggy, and there is an indecipherable look on her face.

“See you tomorrow, Stevie.” She kisses him on the cheek and walks toward her own trailer.

He steps towards the car, preparing himself for a quiet, awkward ride home.

“Hey buddy! How was shooting today?” Bucky greets him with a smile.

“Hi Buck,” he replies with a cautious smile of his own. Bucky’s oddly chipper this evening. “Shoot went great, thanks.”

As they leave the lot, they’re suddenly surrounded by a load of paparazzi. Steve’s nearly blinded by all the flashes, but Bucky gets them out of there safely.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” he apologizes. “I guess that’s what happens when you act in a blockbuster movie?”

Bucky lets out a forced laugh. “I guess that’s what happens when you’re linked to Hollywood actor Brock Rumlow, you mean?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Check your phone, Steve. He’s been tweeting, saying how you’re wonderful to work with and how much chemistry you two have,” Bucky explains with a scowl on his face.

He checks Twitter and confirms what Bucky just said.

“Wait, how did you hear about this? Are you online-stalking me?” He tries to get Bucky to smile.

“I have a Google alert on your name, _Stephanie_. It’s best to know what the people are saying, right?” Bucky explains.

“Right.” Steve nods, disappointed that Bucky is still so standoffish. They spend the rest of the drive home in silence, just listening to the radio.

When they get back to their apartment, they hear Bucky’s laptop making sounds. Bucky goes to check it and slumps in his chair.

“Steve, you gotta see this.”

Man, those paparazzi really work quickly. It’s the pictures from earlier in the parking lot. They show him getting into the car with Bucky, and then a few close-ups of them inside as well. It’s been, what, 30 minutes? And the headline!

**‘Who’s Stevie’s new Beau? And what will Brock have to say about this?’**

‘New Beau?’ Who even writes these things? They were just sitting in a car and now suddenly there’s drama everywhere.

Sam and Nat walk into the apartment, both holding up their phones.

“Who’s the new Beau, Stevie?” Natasha smirks at him.

“And what’s Brock gonna say?” Sam adds.

Those two are evil. They’re Team Rocket.

“It’s not funny, guys. Rumlow is actually a really creepy guy. He’s been trying to feel me up for a while now, keeps ‘casually’ touching my legs and shit.”

“Wait, what?” Bucky rises from his chair. “You didn’t tell me that!”

Oh _now_ he’s interested? “I know, I know, I just thought it would stop eventually. But those tweets from earlier don’t exactly help.”

“Steve, just tell him you have a boyfriend or something,” Natasha says, looking worried. “Maybe he’ll back off then.”

“But I don’t have a boyfriend,” Steve reasons.

“But you do,” he hears from behind him. He turns around and stares at Bucky incredulously.

Bucky points at the computer screen.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Steve’s friends come up with the weirdest ideas. First they tell him to dress up as a woman, and now he should fake-date his best friend? Granted, his best friend who he’s in love with. That makes the situation even worse.

Steve quickly caved when Nat and Sam agreed with Bucky that it was the best thing to do right now. He couldn’t really admit to them how awkward that would be for him, now could he? They discussed the situation and how they would go about it without making a big statement to the press. They were going to let everyone know in an _organic way_ , Sam had said. Bucky would be the only one dropping Steve off and picking him up from work. They would hug more, smile at each other more, basically just get closer in all ways. They didn’t discuss any other forms of PDA; Sam and Nat had clearly sensed the awkward vibe between them too.

Things weren’t actually that bad, at first. Bucky drove him around, they hugged when Steve left or got in the car, showing anyone around their small acts of affection. But then, a few weeks later, Peggy had to go and ruin it.

“Hey Stevie! You’re coming to the cast party on Saturday, right?” Peggy asks him, dropping into her chair in front of Steve’s trailer. “They said you could bring partners...I’m so excited for you to meet Angie!”

Steve looks at her in horror. “Cast party? With partners?”

“Yes! But you don’t _have_ to bring a partner if you don’t have one. I’m pretty sure Brock is coming by himself.” Peggy pulls a face. “So you might wanna think about bringing someone. Do I need to set you up with someone?”

“Oh! No, actually I have a partner…”

“You do?” Peggy questions. “You’ve never mentioned anyone. Who is it?”

“It’s uh… Bucky, my roommate,” Steve tells the floor. He can’t look Peggy in the eye as he lies to her.

Peggy is silent for a few minutes. Steve gets more and more anxious as time passes, and he’s still looking at the floor.

“Stevie…” she finally says.

Steve exhales as the silence is broken.

“Yes?” He squeaks.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” She gives him a kind smile and Steve can’t keep up the charade.

“Please don’t tell anyone. Please, _please_ keep this to yourself.” Steve takes a deep breath and explains. “Bucky is helping me out, because Rumlow is such a creep. We’re just pretending to date, so Brock will leave me alone.”

“Are you? Pretending, I mean.”

Steve looks up instantly and sees Peggy’s knowing smirk.

“I, uh...” Steve is rendered speechless and starts fidgeting with his skirt. “I don’t-”

“I don’t mean to put you on the spot here, Stevie, it’s just that I’ve noticed the way you look at him. I’m not questioning your acting abilities, but those loving glances looked very real to me.”

Steve can’t help but stare at her incredulously. Is he really that obvious?

“But I want you to know,” she continues, “these days, male-male relationships in Hollywood are less frowned upon than you might think.”

Steve’s face goes slack and he can feel the colour draining from his face as his mouth falls open. He stares at Peggy with wide eyes. “You…you know?” he manages to whisper.

“Stevie, honey, it’s okay,” Peggy assures him as she takes Steve’s hands in her own. “I’ve known for a few weeks now. I was just hoping you would come to me with this when you were ready, but I think what you need right now is someone around here who knows, someone who can help.”

Steve doesn’t know what to do. He’s just sitting still in front of his trailer, staring at Peggy.

“Peggy, I…” He trails off and abruptly lets go of her hands. “I need to go. Now.” He stands, ignoring her pleading as he walks into his trailer and locks the door.

He starts pacing in the small trailer when he notices his heart rate going up, and he’s having trouble breathing. He’s having a panic attack. He hasn’t had one of those since his Ma passed. So he does now what he did then, and calls his best friend.

“Please pick up, please pick up, please pi-”

“Hello?” Steve hears on the other line.

“Bucky!” He exclaims. “Buck, I need your help.”

“Hold on, Steve, what’s going on? What happened?”

“I need you to come get me. Right now. Please come get me right now.” He can feel the tears streaming down his face. He’s taking short, shallow breaths between every few words and he sinks down to his knees.

“Steve. Can you hear me? Stevie, listen to me, okay? I’m on my way. Keep talking to me, bud. I’ll put my phone on speaker, so just keep talking. I’m getting in the car now,” Bucky informs him, and Steve can hear the car starting in the background.

“Okay…” Steve lets out in a small, pained voice.

“Stevie, buddy, talk to me. Just let me know you’re there. What’s your level?”

It was a system they started using when Steve’s Ma first got sick. The first time he had a panic attack, Bucky was with him. He asked him his pain level on a scale from 1 to 10. After that they had decided to change it a little. Bucky would just ask for his level, knowing that the words ‘pain’ and ‘panic’ only made things worse. Bucky never doubted the number, and he always did everything he could to make Steve feel comfortable again.

Steve decides to lay down on the floor, curling into a little ball. “It’s…it’s a 7, I think.”

“Okay, bud, I’m nearly there. Where are you exactly? In your trailer?”

“Ye-yes,” he huffs out. “But I locked the door.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just…I’ll do a special little knock so you’ll know it’s me. And then you can let me in, and we’ll close it again, okay?”

“Okay,” he mumbles in reply.

Steve spends the next 10 minutes listening to the sounds of Bucky speeding through traffic to get to him, calming down just a bit. And then he can hear Bucky speaking through both his phone and his trailer door.

“Hi, are you Peggy? I’m Bucky. Look, I don’t wanna seem rude here, but I think it’s best if you leave Stevie alone right now.”

At the sound of Peggy’s reply, Steve stops listening. He’s blankly staring at the carpet when he hears a small knock on the door. He gets up on his knees and crawls towards the door to unlock it. Then he lays down on the ground again and tells Bucky over the phone to come in.

He hears the door open and close, followed by the click of the lock. He looks up from the carpet and sees Bucky standing over him.

“Hey, buddy,” Bucky smiles. “Can you tell me your level?”

Steve lets out a deep breath and tries to keep his voice steady. “A 6 maybe?”

“Well, okay. Let’s try and get that number down.” He sits back on his haunches and then eases himself onto the floor, leaning against the small kitchen cabinet. “I’m gonna sit right here. Maybe you can sit next to me and talk to me a little? You won’t have to look at me, I promise.”

Steve sits up straight and drags himself next to where Bucky’s sitting.

“Just start from the beginning, bud,” Bucky encourages him.

Steve tries to take a deep breath, but his heart is still going at an unnatural pace.

“Cast party. There’s a…party this weekend, and you could bring partners.” Suddenly the words just start flowing out of him. “Peggy said we didn’t have to bring a partner, but Brock was gonna be there by himself, so I told her. I told her I already had a partner. But I could tell she didn’t believe me. So I made the stupid decision to tell her about us, that we were just doing this for Brock, to protect me. And then…” He pauses, thinking quickly how to adapt the story. “And then she told me she knew. That I was just dressing up. She knows I’m a man. And now she’ll tell everyone! This is a nightmare! When everyone finds out, I’m gonna be fired! I’ll never get a job again! What am I gonna do, Bucky?”

Somewhere during his story he started crying again, and Bucky managed to put his arm around him without him noticing.

“Shhh…okay, you’re okay.” Bucky pulls him towards his chest, and Steve grabs on tight, hiding his face in Bucky’s shirt.

He hears a heavy sigh above him.

“Okay, so Peggy knows your secret. What did she say?” He feels Bucky petting his head, caressing his scalp and he feels a little bit better already. “Did she threaten to tell anyone?”

Steve has trouble keeping focused on the conversation, his mind going every which way. “N-no. I don’t think so.”

“And did she say anything to insult you?”

Bucky’s tone of voice is so calming. Steve is feeling a little sleepy, coming down from all the adrenaline. “No…”

“So maybe she wants to help. Did she say anything about that?”

Steve is suddenly struck by the memory. She did. She did tell him she wanted to help. He lets out a big sigh and slumps in Bucky’s arms.

“Can we go home now, please? I’m so tired, I just wanna go home.”

Bucky stands up and pulls Steve up with him.

“Of course we can, Stevie. You sit down for just a second while I collect all your stuff. Where’s your purse?”

A few minutes later, Bucky has managed to sort out his trailer and they are ready to leave. Bucky puts his hand around Steve’s waist, and he unlocks the door.

“I’m parked right outside, okay, we’ll just get in the car and we’ll be home in no time.”

They get outside, Steve decidedly not looking to his right where he knows Peggy is still waiting, and are about to get in the car when Rumlow shows up.

Steve whimpers and hides his face in Bucky’s armpit.

“Get in the car, Stevie,” he hears Bucky whisper, and Steve doesn’t wait to comply.

“Aw, princess, what’s wrong?” he hears Rumlow ask. Steve has no doubt he’s wearing a disgusting smirk too.

But Bucky steps in. “Listen dude, she’s not feeling well, so would you mind fucking off?” He turns his back on him, gets in the driver’s seat, and gets them off the lot.

Steve’s still smiling at the look on Rumlow’s face when he falls asleep in the car. He only wakes up shortly when he’s being moved. Bucky’s carrying him out of the car and up to their apartment.

“Wh…what are you doing?” he asks in a sleepy voice.

“Go back to sleep, Stevie, you need the rest.”

And when Bucky lays him down on the couch, he drifts off again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Mmm…” Steve moans. He can feel a pressure around his groin, confining him, trapping his hard cock against his hip. He was dreaming of Bucky again. Imagining his full lips sucking on his own, him pulling at Steve’s hair while thrusting deep inside him. His hands automatically wander towards his nipples and he rubs them through the lace of his bra. His breathing turns hot and heavy when he suddenly feels a pressure at his lower back. He scoots up, just a little, and grinds back against it. He lets out another moan as an arm reaches around him and a hand travels up his shirt, cupping him through his bralet. He hears someone moaning in his ear, feels a huff of breath against his skin, and then he recognizes the voice saying _hmm, yeah_.

He wakes up instantly. “Bucky!” He falls off the couch in an attempt to break their bodies apart as quickly as possible. When he stands up he sees Bucky is looking at him sheepishly from next to the sofa.

“I, uh…” Bucky starts.

“I’m gonna go shower!” Steve practically yells and runs off to the bathroom. He closes the door and slumps against it, trying to control his breathing. Holy fucking shit, _that_ was embarrassing. Then he sees himself in the mirror and notices he’s still in his outfit from yesterday, his shirt slightly rumpled and showing his coral bralet.

He frees his aching erection from the tight Spanx and his panties, and hisses as he touches the angry red head. He throws off his blouse and bra and jumps in the shower, opting for the lowest temperature setting. His erection may have gone down some, but his mind is going a mile a minute. What exactly happened out there? Bucky had fallen asleep behind him, clearly. And Steve had been dreaming of him. But surely he hadn’t imagined Bucky pushing back at him, grinding into him. Rubbing and twisting at his nipples and-- _oh_. Suddenly his erection is back.

Steve makes quick work of jerking himself off in the shower, makes sure the evidence disappears down the drain, and then gets out. As he towels himself off, he rationalizes. Bucky thought he was in bed with a girl. He was sleeping and felt a slight body wearing a bra; of _course_ he got aroused then. Everything was all a big misunderstanding, it had to be.

Unfortunately, the bathroom isn’t connected to his bedroom, so he has to walk through the living room in just a towel around his waist. And when he does, Bucky’s waiting for him, luckily sitting in the kitchen and not on the aforementioned couch.

“So…” Bucky starts. “About-”

Oh god, please no. Let’s not have a discussion about the most awkward moment of his life.

“-last night,” Bucky finishes.

Oh. _Oh_! The super awkward panic attack that caused Steve to pass out in Bucky’s car and also possibly destroyed his friendship with Peggy.

“Yeah…um. I’m sorry for doing that to you, Buck. I really shouldn’t have reacted that badly. I’ll call Peggy, try to explain what happened.”

Bucky walks over and grabs his shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. “Don’t apologize, Steve. You had a panic attack, you can’t help that!” He sighs, then admits, “But you are right about Peggy; she called your phone about 10 times already. And then somehow she found out my number, and she called me. She is a very persistent young lady,” Bucky smiles. “And she’s coming over in half an hour.”

Steve looks up startled. “Oh? Here? To our apartment? I don’t have enough time to get dressed properly!”

“I know, don’t worry. She told me to tell you it was fine if you just wore your regular clothes. Whatever you feel comfortable in. She told me to tell you that last part word for word.” Bucky gives him a quizzical look, but shakes it off quickly. “So just throw something on, and for the love of Christ, eat breakfast, you’re getting way too skinny!”

So Steve grabs a quick bite to eat and goes to his room to get dressed. He throws on some skinny jeans and an oversized t-shirt, after checking out his underwear first.

He hasn’t told anyone about this, but he went back to the lingerie store Nat had gone to. He even dressed up for the occasion, so the salespeople wouldn’t bat an eye. And good lord, he felt like a little kid in a candy store. All those colours, and fabrics, and patterns. So he bought a small selection of panties and bras, some of them for work, others for under his regular outfits. He also noticed they had a small men’s section, with lace panties with some more room in the front, but he decided he needed to come back in his other clothes to check those out.

The panties feel good; he feels nice in them. And he doesn’t mind how he looks in them either, always going to the mirror to see himself before he puts his pants on. They make him feel pretty. Pair those with a nice bra and he’s ready to face the day.

Peggy’s already in the living room when he comes out.

“Hey Stevie,” she says. “I hope it’s okay that I came over, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Hi.” Steve tries a smile and glances at Bucky, who’s waiting at the door.

“Okay, bud, I’m gonna be over at Sam and Nat’s place, but if you need me, just come and get me, okay?” Bucky reassures him, and leaves the apartment.

As soon as the door falls shut, Steve drops his chin to his chest. “I’m so, so sorry for the way I reacted yesterday, Peggy.”

“Don’t be daft, and come and sit down.” She gestures at the spot next to her on the sofa.

Steve plants himself on the couch and looks at her, not knowing what to say.

“Right, okay. Can I ask you something?”

Steve nods. He prepares himself for the entire explanation behind the dressing up.

“What’s your name?”

Steve is startled by the unexpected question. “It’s Steve. But, um, Stevie is fine too.”

“Do you want some help, Steve?” She shoots him a kind smile.

“With…with what?” Steve is intrigued, and happy that nothing seems to have changed between him and Peggy.

“Well, I suspect there are some things you can’t share with your friends, and your…roommate.” She takes his hands into her own. “I want to help you, Steve, however I can. That can be choosing which lipstick to wear, or talking about boys, or explaining which bra doesn’t stand out underneath a white t-shirt.”

Steve looks down at his chest immediately. He was careful, he chose a nude bra so no one would notice!

“No, you’re good, Steve,” she smiles knowingly. “It was just a hunch. Look, I have absolutely no problems with your choice of wardrobe, you can be sure of that. But I can always give friendly advice, seeing as I’ve had a little more experience in the field.”

This could actually be a good thing, a great thing even. He can’t really talk to Nat about this; it isn’t something he wants to tell his friends, not yet at least. And it would be nice to talk to someone about his longstanding crush on Bucky.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I could really use your help.”

 

* * *

 

They decided to take a little shopping trip. After all, Peggy explained, might as well turn a few heads at that cast party. First stop was for a dress, and after a little encouragement from Peggy, Steve had chosen a tight fitting black bodycon dress with panels cut out at the side, showing off his waist. It was very sexy, very short, and would most likely be very difficult to conceal his genitals in. But Peggy is like an endless fountain of knowledge, as Steve discovers when she drags him to the lingerie store he had visited by himself just a few weeks earlier.

Peggy walks right up to the salesgirl and asks, “Hi! Do you sell gaffs here?”

Steve can’t control the blush that hits his cheeks. “What’s a-”

“As a matter of fact, we do!” the salesgirl--Becky, according to her nametag--interrupts. “They’re right over here. Take a look, and if there’s anything I can help you with, I’ll be at the front of the store.” She smiles brightly and walks back to the register, leaving Steve and Peggy in front of the multitude of lace.

“I just love West Hollywood,” Peggy grins, and points at some strange looking panties. “These are gaffs. You will need them for tucking purposes. Or where else are you going to put your penis?”

“Peggy!” Steve whispers.

Peggy raises an eyebrow at him and continues. “If you want to wear tight dresses, you’ll need to tuck your junk. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think you’ve never done that before, so, you will need a gaff to keep everything in place. Any questions?”

It does all make sense. Steve just thinks she doesn’t need to be this vocal about it _in public_. But seeing as Peggy is so open-minded, Steve wonders…

“Do you mind if I just…take a look here?” he asks, pointing towards the male lace panties.

“Not at all, Stevie, you look over there and I’ll pick some of these for you.” Peggy kisses him on the cheek before he turns away. “I’m glad you’re sharing, Steve.”

Steve smiles and looks at the stunning display. In the end he picks 3 pairs: one simple black lace, one baby pink pair, and some intricately detailed white panties.

He pays for the panties and the gaffs Peggy picked out for him and they leave the lingerie store. As they’re walking down the street, Steve stops in front of a display.

“Steve?”

Those are the most beautiful shoes he’s ever seen. They’re bronze metallic platform heels, with several straps along the top of the foot, and they are sexy as hell. He just has to have them.

After a short, but very determined trip to the shoe store, they walk into Nigel’s Beauty Emporium. Peggy drags him over to the OCC stand and starts picking out makeup for him.

“After this, you’re coming over to my place and me and Angie are going to teach you how to do your makeup. Better than before I mean, of course.” She grins. “Oh, don’t look so bewildered, Steve, you’ll love it!”

He is, actually, he’s loving how this day turned out. And when they get to Peggy’s apartment, he meets Angie, and they tackle the makeup together. They teach him how to do a full face and a quick face, how to overdraw his lips a little, and most importantly--and definitely the hardest part of all--how to apply eyeliner. He’ll need to figure out how to get his left eye to match the right one, but Peggy and Angie both assure him that no one’s perfect at that.

“So…” Peggy asks while she applies some blush on him. “Tell me a little about Bucky.”

No need for that blush now, the way Steve’s cheeks turn red instantly. “There’s not much to tell, really. He’s uh…he’s been my best friend since we were about 8 years old. We grew up together. And when my Ma passed,” Steve clears his suddenly tight throat. “Bucky’s parents let me stay with them. And then when I decided I wanted to be an actor in Hollywood, me and him moved to LA. We’ve been living here for about 3 years now.”

Peggy and Angie share a look, but Steve is too lost in his own story to notice.

“He’s been there every step of the way, you know? Whenever I need him, he just drops everything. He deals with all my stupid shit, like the panic attacks. And he hasn’t complained about it, not once. He’s...” Steve trails off and smiles as he thinks about Bucky’s strong arms holding him when he felt panicked, hugging him when he felt sad and telling him that, no matter what, he’d always be there.

“Oh honey…” Angie whispers.

Steve turns his face towards her. “What?”

“This ain’t just a crush. You’re in love with him.”

Steve takes a moment to process this, wondering how much truth is in Angie’s words. He’s had a crush on Bucky ever since he can remember. When does a crush turn into love? Steve always just assumed it’s a crush until the other party reciprocates. But what is love? Is it not looking out for each other? Being there, every step of the way? Holding you when you’re sad or terrified, laughing together, being comfortable together. The only thing that would make this relationship better would be for it to get romantic. Steve wants to take Bucky on dates, wants to kiss him senseless, wants to lay in bed with him for hours on end. And when it comes down to it, Steve doesn’t want to see Bucky with anyone else but him. Angie’s right.

“Oh God. I am. I’m in love with him.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

It’s Saturday night and Steve is getting ready for the party. So far he’s followed Peggy’s instructions to the T, and everything that shouldn’t be visible is carefully tucked away in the gaff. It’s not extremely comfortable, but as soon as he pulled the skin tight little black dress over his slender frame, he realized it was all worth it. He looks absolutely stunning with some natural curves at his hips and the slightly padded bra making everything come together. He’s spent some time perfecting his makeup, careful not to make it too extravagant, instead going for a more natural look. He doesn’t put too much effort into his hair, styling his pixie cut just a little before he puts on his killer heels.

He can hear his friends talking in the other room, but when he walks out, the room goes absolutely silent. He clocks Bucky checking him out, and Steve allows himself to do the same--Bucky’s looking very handsome in fancy slacks, a t-shirt, and a blazer. Steve turns to Nat and Sam before his gaze turns into a stare.

Bucky clears his throat. “You, uh…you ready to go?”

Steve smiles and nods, then turns to hug Sam.

“You look great, man! You’ll definitely turn a few heads.” Sam smiles wide and embraces him once again. “Go get your man,” he murmurs quietly into Steve’s ear.

Good God, does _everyone_ know? Natasha shoots him a knowing smirk, seeming to confirm his lack of subtlety. “Damn, Steve, pretty soon you’ll be giving _me_ lessons.”

Steve snorts and hugs her goodnight. “Don’t wait up, you weirdos.”

* * *

This cast party is way more crowded than Steve expected it to be. On the other hand, this movie is an extremely big production, and it’s fun to see all these people he normally doesn’t have any scenes with. Yet somehow, it only takes about 10 minutes before Rumlow finds them at the bar of the crowded conference hall.

“Hello, Stephanie. Won’t you finally introduce me to your rude friend?” he greets them.

Steve can feel Bucky’s hand on his waist, pulling him closer. “This is Bucky, my…my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? You’ve never mentioned a boyfriend before. How long have you been together?”

Steve panics; they really should have prepared for these kinds of questions.

“A few weeks, actually,” Bucky intervenes. “Still very new.”

“Yes, I can see that. You don’t seem…very lovey-dovey. Well, I wish you all the best.” Rumlow grins and leans towards Steve, suddenly pulling hard at his right wrist to get him closer. “But you know, if it ever fails…” As he hugs him farewell, he grabs at Steve’s wrist again, squeezing so tight that the pain sparking through his arm makes him think he might have sprained it.

“Okay, ew,” Bucky mutters as Brock walks away. “Is he always like this?”

Steve rubs at his wrist, hoping it’s just a bruise, and finally has the nerve to look Bucky in the eyes, seeing the concern there. “Usually, yeah. He’s just talk, though.”

“Yeah, for now!” Bucky exclaims. “That man is a vile, disgusting human being.”

“Talking about Brock?” Peggy asks as she and Angie join them at the bar.

Bucky snorts as Steve kisses them hello. After some informal introductions, the topic of conversation turns to Steve’s outfit.

“I told you you’d look amazing in that dress, Stevie,” Peggy smiles as she appreciates Steve. “Don’t you agree, Bucky? Doesn’t she look incredible?”

Steve is sending a death glare towards Peggy and is trying to fight off the blush.

“Stunning, actually,” he hears from next to him as Bucky pulls him closer again. His hand fits right into the cut-out of the dress, pressing warmly on his bare skin. This night is going to kill him.

* * *

It’s about an hour later and Peggy and Angie have left to get more drinks, leaving Steve and Bucky standing in a corner of the room.

They’ve managed to turn away from the awkwardness and Steve is pointing out people to Bucky, explaining who they are and who they play in the movie.

“Stevie,” Bucky whispers, barely moving his lips. “That Rumlow creep has been staring at us for the last 10 minutes.”

Steve can’t help but glance around the room until he finds those determined eyes looking back at him.

“Steve.”

“Hmm?” He mumbles, still looking towards Rumlow.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Wh-”

Steve is interrupted as Bucky leans in, grabs his face, and presses their lips together. And it isn’t awkward, their noses don’t bump into each other, they just...fit. And Steve lets go, letting his uninjured hand wander across Bucky’s torso before going through his hair, careful not to disturb his top-knot too much. He opens up for Bucky, who immediately seeks entrance, licking into his mouth and hugging him to his body. His hands reach into the sides of the dress, slide across his waist and lower back as he eases himself against the wall, pulling Steve with him. Steve allows himself to get lost in the kiss, their tongues tracing over each other, lips sliding smoothly as his heart pounds with lust. Bucky tastes _amazing_ , somehow exactly like he imagined but at the same time so surprising. They part from each other as Bucky gives a last gentle bite at his bottom lip.

They’re both staring at each other, out of breath, but so alive.

Steve tries to clear his mind. “Is he, uh…is he still watching?”

“Hmm?” Bucky asks, looking beautifully bewildered.

“Rumlow, is he gone?”

Bucky’s breath is ghosting over his lips, and Steve is impossibly turned on right now. And then he can feel an extremely unfortunate pain between his legs. Oh no. Peggy had warned him for this; don’t ever get hard when you’re tucked!

“Mmm, yeah, he’s gone. Why do you look so pained? Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh no!” Steve practically shouts. “You’re good, uh, a little...too good? I just need to get out of here for a second, where’s the bathroom around here?”

“You look like you’re really hurting, Stevie, I’ll come with. We’ll find you a room to calm down in.”

Steve really doesn’t have the time to explain what a horrible, _horrible_ idea that is as Bucky pulls him towards an empty room near the conference hall.

Steve is in actual, physical pain right now. He needs to untuck, and fast.

“Bucky, I’m going to get really graphic for a second, okay, so if you wanna leave, please do. My erection is stuck between my legs and it hurts like a motherfucker. So I _need_ to take care of this, cause it feels like I might pass out,” Steve blurts out, no longer caring that he just told his best friend about his aching cock.

Bucky stares at him for a millisecond before he shoots into gear. “What can I do to help?”

“Help?!” Holy shit, the pain is getting worse. “I don’t know, guard the door!”

Steve pulls up his dress and drags his gaff off, and his erection springs free. He turns away from the door and reaches to touch himself when he notices the big, dark purple bruise on his wrist and the shooting pains.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me!” he shouts.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky’s at his side instantly.

“I can’t do it, I hurt my wrist.” He starts whimpering, losing focus as he sees the angry purple head of his own cock. “It hurts so bad.”

Bucky pulls him towards the door, makes him face it and lean against it with his forearms. “Okay, Stevie, just let me help.”

Steve can’t even focus anymore, and drops his head against his arms. “Touch me, please. I just- I just need to get off.”

Bucky stands behind him and reaches around, putting his other arm around his waist for support. “Stevie, it’s okay. I got you,” he breathes in his ear. “I’m gonna make this so good for you.”

At the first touch of Bucky’s fingers against the hot, red skin, Steve hisses. Bucky gathers the precome that’s leaking from the tip and uses it to glide over Steve’s erection, jerking him off in quick but gentle pulls. It doesn’t take long for Steve to shout “oh, fuck…” and come on Bucky’s hand. He slumps against the door and wobbles on his high heels, grateful that Bucky’s arm is still around him.

“Steve?” Bucky whispers in his ear. “Are you okay?”

-

“Steve?” Peggy repeats. “Stevie, are you alright?”

Peggy? PEGGY! Steve instantly wakes from his daydream as Peggy gives him a shake.


	6. Chapter 6

As much as Bucky loved staring into Steve’s mesmerizing eyes after--he’s gotta be honest--the best kiss in his lifetime, he has to admit he was a bit ashamed of himself after the impulsive action. It was unfair, the way he had acted with Steve in that moment. He had barely given Steve any warning, so it wasn’t like Steve had the chance to say no before it was happening, and Bucky felt guilty as fuck about it.

He left Steve standing there, glossy-eyed and breathing heavily, and ran off to the nearest bathroom. He needed to calm down after the intense kiss, and he needed to sort out his emotions.

Steve looks beautiful tonight, but then, to Bucky, he always does. Steve could come out in a trash bag and Bucky would still get the biggest smile on his face. That little goofball has been the love of his life ever since they met.

He asked his parents once, how they would describe love, what they felt for each other. They explained to him that they were each other’s best friends, and they cared for each other very much; they protected each other from the bad stuff and loved to laugh together at the good stuff; they could go on a big trip and have the time of their lives or they could hang out on the sofa in their pyjamas and snuggle up for the coziest day ever. They were simply happiest when they were together. There was no real way to describe love, they said; it was something you just...felt. Bucky’s whole world had made sense suddenly. He asked them, “Like me and Steve?” His parents had glanced at each other and had nodded, yes, like him and Steve. Only love was a difficult thing, they said. Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean they love you back. But if Bucky was a lucky boy, and he was patient and kind, maybe he would be loved back. But no pushing it, or asking after it. ‘Remember, Bucky, love is a feeling, and it won’t be rushed.’ Truth be told, Bucky had only understood half of those words, but he had looked at Steve differently ever since. He _loved_ him.

Thinking back on what his parents once told him (and casually remind him of when he visits them), Bucky can’t help but feel even more guilty. They had told him not to push, and here he was, pushing Steve in a direction he might not want to go in. Yes, seeing Rumlow staring at Steve had upset him, his blood had started to boil, and it was a great excuse to finally have his lips on Steve’s. But Steve’s lack of consent just means the kiss didn’t mean anything. Bucky couldn’t be sure until he finally had a real, honest conversation with Steve. Or at least until Bucky could find some _mutual_ attraction between them.

He tries to shake off the guilty expression before he steps back into the conference hall to find Steve. He spots him at the bar, fresh drink in hand, talking to Angie and Peggy with what appear to be flushed cheeks. Okay, obviously Steve is embarrassed. The best thing for Bucky to do right now is just ignore it. He smiles as he steps up to them and hears what they’re talking about.

“... to a nice restaurant, dress up all fancy,” Peggy says. “Bottom line is, we need to be seen in public.”

Bucky scrunches his face together. “What’s going on? Who needs to be seen in public?”

Steve jumps at his voice, and Bucky feels a twinge of guilt.

Peggy explains, “Pierce just came to talk to us. There isn’t enough buzz about the movie in the press, and he wants to use the paparazzi more. So he asked--or, rather, _told_ \--us to go out this week, get noticed. So we were thinking, double date?”

At that, Bucky smiles wide. “That sounds like an excellent idea!”

Steve looks up at him in shock. “Really?”

“Don’t you wanna be famous, Stevie?” he smirks, good mood restored. “We want the press to love you, don’t we?”

Steve is fidgeting with his bracelet. “Well, yeah…I guess…”

“Great!” Angie exclaims. “I’ll start looking for a nice restaurant first thing tomorrow!”

 

* * *

 

It’s a few hours later, and Bucky is lying in bed, staring at his ceiling. He’s still a little buzzed from the party, and what better time to ponder his love life?

His crush on Steve never stopped him from looking at other people. Not just women, not just men, _people_. He likes people for _who_ they are, not _what_ they are. He decided years ago, after googling it first, that if he _had_ to put a label on his sexuality, he’d call himself pansexual. He likes looking at people, flirting with them, and every once in awhile, he likes to take them out. Bucky loves going on dates. He loves getting to know people, sitting down with them, hanging out. But he never brings them home. He enjoys kissing, very much, and sometimes he stays over at someone’s place, but never dreams of bringing anyone close to his space with Steve. It’s sacred, and deep down, Bucky has this dream of making their apartment their little love nest.

His mind wanders to Steve, as it usually does at this hour. He really did look amazing tonight. When he, Nat, and Sam first suggested it, Bucky never dreamed of how this crazy idea of theirs would turn out. Yes, Steve is a beautiful man and makes for a gorgeous woman, and Bucky loves both sides of him. He just needs to remind himself that for Steve, this is just acting. He’s playing dress-up, he’s pretending. He doesn’t really like wearing 6 inch heels or lacy bras or beautiful short dresses that show off his long, slim legs…

Oh, Bucky needs to stop thinking about Steve in his outfit from tonight. He needs to stop thinking about Steve at all.

Steve is obviously not interested in him. Or in anyone, for that matter. Ever since they first befriended one another, Bucky has never seen Steve in a relationship with anyone. Not even casual hook-ups. Steve just...doesn’t do that. And Bucky needs to accept that.

He shuts his eyes and throws his right arm over them.

“Damn you, Steve,” he whispers, as he once more thinks back to their kiss.

“Damn you,” he sighs, as his hand trails down his abdomen.

 

* * *

 

It’s the day of the date and Bucky is freaking out, standing in front of his closet and surrounded by rejected outfits on the floor. Peggy had sent him a text the day before, telling him where they were going and how fancy he should dress. ‘Pretty fucking fancy,’ the text had read. Eventually he notices the time and grabs some nice slacks and a dress shirt at random. He runs into the bathroom to style his hair into a bun and shaves off the scruff on his chin. Some cologne, a nice big sigh, and he’s ready to go.

“Steve? You almost ready?” he shouts in the direction of Steve’s room.

“Almost!” he hears the muffled sound through the door.

He decides to wait on the couch and when Steve’s door opens and he walks out, Bucky is glad he sat down.

This is the point in movies where beautiful music starts playing. Steve looks absolutely gorgeous. He’s wearing a black and white short, flowy dress and some elegant blue heels. Not too high, and just a nice pop of colour to compliment the outfit. His handbag is black and white as well, and he’s wearing a gold bracelet. He looks like a Hollywood star.

Bucky is speechless, hasn’t said a word in 5 minutes, at least. He can tell, because Steve is starting to look a little worried.

“Oh no, hey,” he’s quick to assure him. “You look absolutely beautiful, Steve.”

Oh no, now Steve’s blushing. _Too much, Bucky, reign it in!_

He clears his throat. “You look great.”

Steve shoots him a shy smile. “You do too, Buck. Ready to go?”

“After you, m’lady,” he deadpans, trying to break the tension.

“Shut up, you dick.”

Bucky can’t hold in the answering snort.

 

* * *

 

They arrive safe and sound at the restaurant, after Bucky _miraculously_ managed to keep his eyes on the road and not on Steve looking mesmerizing right next to him. But they’re here now, and Bucky can stare all he wants. After all, they need to sell this date to the press. They already saw some people grabbing their phones when they spotted Steve.

The lovely waitress guides them to their table near the window, where only two places are set.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says. “But there must be a mistake, there should be four places at this table.”

The waitress looks surprised. “I’m sorry, Miss, your friends called about an hour ago. They can’t make it tonight, I’m afraid. Did they not tell you?”

Bucky can’t quite explain the look on Steve’s face, but it looks a little like panic.

“Thank you,” he tells the waitress, and he helps Steve into his chair. “Are you alright?”

Steve seems startled at the sound of his voice. “Yeah, I just…I wonder why they didn’t tell me.”

“Well, send them a text. Ask them what’s going on,” Bucky suggests, trying to save Steve’s mood. “They owe us an explanation, at least.”

“Yeah…yeah, okay, I’ll do that,” Steve says as he takes his phone out of his purse.

Bucky watches him worry at his lip with his teeth as Steve types the text.

“But we can still have a nice night, right?” he asks. “Pierce still wants the press to see you, and we’re here now.”

Steve smiles at him and puts the phone down. “Yeah, I’d like a nice night out. And...” he trails off. “We haven’t had the chance to talk in a while now.”

“I know,” Bucky sighs. “We’ve both been so busy, we’ve kinda lost touch, huh?”

“Yeah…”

The waitress interrupts them then, handing over their menus. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Stevie?” Bucky asks with a mischievous smirk on his face.

Steve chuckles at his expression. “Yeah Buck?”

“Is Pierce paying for this?”

“Yeah, Buck,” he grins back.

“Well then, let’s go fucking crazy,” he says, but not too loud; they _are_ in public.

When the waitress comes back, they both order the most expensive thing on the menu, and Bucky even decides to play fancy and ask for the wine suggestion.

They’re finally acting goofy around each other again, having fun. It’s been a long time since they were this comfortable around each other, and Bucky feels relieved, ecstatic even at the prospect of having his best friend back. It feels right again. When their food is served, Bucky decides to ask Steve what’s been bothering him for a while now. After all, with how Steve seemed to have drawn away from him, he hasn’t had a lot of time to talk to Steve about anything other than his work. So it feels just a bit awkward, asking the very simple question:

“How’ve you been, Stevie?”

Steve looks up, expression startled. Then he sighs. “I’m doing okay, I guess. It’s a little hard, lying to everyone. Sometimes I feel like I’m betraying everyone’s trust.”

“You’re not a traitor, Stevie. You’re doing what you need to do to get by. This is still your dream, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods. “I love what I do.”

“Well, that’s the most important part, isn’t it?” he smiles. “Is Brock still bothering you?”

Steve’s cheeks redden as he answers. “No, I think he got the message on Saturday.”

Bucky smiles at the memory, thinking back on the feel of Steve’s lips on his.

“And…are you okay with the clothes?” The question is out there before Bucky knows it. “I mean, isn’t it uncomfortable, dressing up like that every day?”

Steve chokes on his drink and blushes.

“No, it’s, uh…”

Bucky watches the internal struggle play out in Steve’s expression as he trails off. “What?” he prompts, gentle.

Steve clears his throat. “Can I…can I tell you a secret?”

Steve is nervous to tell him this, that’s obvious. “Sure, Stevie, tell me.”

“I don’t mind dressing up, actually,” Steve starts to blush. “Like, at all. I kinda like it.”

Bucky’s mouth drops open.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Oh God. Why did he say that? He didn’t plan to say anything about it really, it just came out! What the hell will Bucky think of him now?

“It’s not that I want to do it all the time or anything,” Steve is quick to add. “I just like the way it feels, sometimes.”

He anxiously waits for Bucky to speak up.

“Well, I’m definitely not complaining,” Bucky admits after a few agonizing seconds. “I like the way you look. No matter what you wear.”

Steve is flooded with relief at Bucky’s words, but honestly, what was Steve expecting? This is Bucky, and he would never be mean to Steve. The full meaning of his words finally hit him and Steve can’t fight off the blush. What did he mean by _that_? Does Bucky...like it too? Steve tries to hide his grin as he finishes his bite. “Thanks, Buck.”

“Hey, give me your hand.”

Steve reaches over before his brain catches up with him. “Why?”

“Make it look romantic for the pictures.” He squeezes Steve’s hand gently, and rubs his thumb across his knuckles.

Steve had almost forgotten they were doing this for the press, but reality crashes in around him. They’re doing a publicity stunt, hoping to catch people’s attention.

Steve sighs. “Well, I’m never finishing this big plate of pasta. I’m full, I can barely move.” He tries a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

Bucky, who had finished his meal a few minutes ago, decides to call it a night.

“You wanna head out, then? Maybe go for a walk?”

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Steve says, hoping the fresh air will do him some good.

 

* * *

 

They managed to leave the restaurant unscathed, even though some paparazzi dudes had clearly never heard of a personal bubble. Now they’re walking in a park nearby, enjoying the night’s sky and their calm surroundings. It’s a bit chilly out, so Bucky gave him his jacket, which Steve appreciated greatly. Not in the least because Bucky’s dress shirt makes his arms look amazing.

He’s fidgeting with the long sleeves of the jacket as Bucky suddenly stops next to him.

“Steve…” he starts. “I’m glad you told me. About the dressing up, I mean. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Steve can’t help but smile at the utter sincerity he can hear in Bucky’s voice. “Yeah, I know…thanks.”

“Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Um,” Steve hesitates. “Sure?”

“Did you mind me kissing you? ‘Cause, I sort of feel bad, since I didn’t even ask you if it was okay, and I know you don’t actually like doing that stuff-”

“Wait, what?” He stares at Bucky incredulously. “I don’t like doing what stuff?”

Bucky rubs at his neck and looks at the ground. “You know, kissing and stuff.”

“I…” Steve mutters. “I _like_ that stuff.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says, louder now. “Just ‘cause I don’t _do_ it much, doesn’t mean I don’t _like_ it.” He can feel the blush starting to spread, but he doesn’t care. “Why do you think I don’t like it?”

It’s Bucky’s turn to blush now. “I don’t know, I never see you with anyone, I just figured…maybe you just weren’t into kissing people.”

Steve is feeling ballsy. “Well, maybe I just didn’t have the right person to kiss. Have you thought about that?”

“No,” Bucky admits. “Not about that.”

Steve’s breath hitches in his throat. “What have you thought about, then?”

Bucky is silent for a few seconds, finally looks him in the eye and shrugs. “About kissing you again.”

Steve wasn’t sure what to expect as an answer to that question, but it wasn’t this. His stomach is filled with butterflies and he’s sure his cheeks are on fire. “You can. If you want to.” Steve steps closer to Bucky, allowing him to come near, and he lets out a heavy breath.

He can feel Bucky cupping his cheek, and he closes his eyes and leans forward. Their lips touch, ever so lightly, and Steve will never admit to the whimper that leaves his throat. The kiss is chaste and sweet, but even better than the passionate tangling of tongues they shared at the party. Bucky’s hand lands on his hip, but he doesn’t pull Steve closer. The kiss is romantic, not sexual, and Steve is so, so in love. They part and again, Steve feels weightless.

“That was...good. You know, for the pictures.”

“Yeah,” Bucky whispers. “For the pictures.”

They both know no one is in the park with them. Steve grabs his courage, wets his lips and kisses Bucky again, crossing his arms behind Bucky’s neck. As much as Steve loved Bucky kissing him sloppy and sensual at the party, he’s a sucker for these sweet kisses.

It’s a few minutes later when Steve gets some involuntary shivers. He breaks away from Bucky and pulls the jacket tight around him.

“It’s pretty cold out, we should head home,” he says, eager to cuddle up into Bucky’s arms.

“Yeah, they probably got enough shots,” Bucky grins.

Steve pokes him in the ribs and laughs when Bucky yelps.

 

* * *

 

They don’t end up hugging and cuddling the night away, though not because they don’t want to. Steve has an early shoot tomorrow, and they silently decide to just part and go to their own rooms. If Steve was a brave man, he would call out Bucky’s name and kiss him again. But Steve is selfish and wants Bucky to call out for him. He goes to bed tired but happy as he remembers the night’s events. He came clean to Bucky. Well. _Sorta_. He came semi-clean. And Bucky was remarkably cool with it. He didn’t even lift an eyebrow when Steve told him, just calmly sipping his way-too-expensive wine that just tasted like what they usually buy. He thinks about the kisses they shared, sweet, romantic, just what Steve has dreamt about ever since his crush started. He feels giddy, butterflies fluttering away as he drifts off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Steve wakes up the following morning feeling like he’s still in a dream. Did last night really happen? Did he and Bucky finally kiss? Without anyone else there, making it a real, honest occurrence? He pinches his own cheek to keep from grinning like a loon. He gets dressed in a hurry, knowing his outfit won’t matter much as his first stop on the lot is wardrobe, and then hair and makeup.

He settles on a tight pair of leggings with one of his old hoodies, long enough to cover his ass and crotch. After all the heels and makeup lately, Steve is happy to go a morning without painting his face on. He ruffles his hands through his hair and walks out into the living room. He’s surprised to see Bucky isn’t there. He’s usually up at this hour, typing away at his laptop, getting an early start on his work. Steve hopes he can get some morning cuddles and kisses in before he has to leave, since today’s gonna be a tough shoot.

Steve knocks on Bucky’s door and waits, but there’s no answer. He decides to check and sees Bucky lying in his bed, covers only draped over half of his body, and face planted in his pillow.

“Bucky?” he whispers, careful not to disturb him too much. “Hey, Buck?”

He hears a faint grumble coming from the pillow and decides it’s safe to come closer. This gives him an even better view of Bucky’s back, slightly arched and begging to be touched.

He restrains himself and shakes Bucky’s shoulder, who turns his head and stares through a lock of hair.

“Mmsteve?” he mumbles.

Steve can’t help but grin. “Morning, Buck. You doing okay?”

“Morning, buddy.”

Steve feels a bit sick all of a sudden. That word doesn’t sit right, _buddy_ , like they’re just casual friends. _Buddy_ , like they didn’t kiss each other stupid. _Buddy_ , like...he’s just another one of the guys. Buddy is what Steve _used_ to be with Bucky. It’s what he’s called him since their friendship began. It isn’t exactly the kind of word you use to describe your lover.

Steve swallows away the hurt. “You know what, you stay in today, Buck. I’ll catch the bus to work.”

Bucky rubs his eyes and turns to lay on his back. Oh, that’s quite the sight first thing in the morning.

“You sure, Steve?” he asks, yawning.

Steve is momentarily distracted by the glorious abs in front of him, not realizing his hand is reaching out to touch before it’s awkwardly hanging there.

“Yeah, sure.” He pats Bucky’s stomach twice, _good god those abs are solid_ , and turns to leave. “You sleep in, I’ll see you this afternoon.” He turns to smile and sees Bucky’s hand lingering where Steve just touched him. Then he walks out to hide the blush.

 

* * *

 

Taking the bus really helped Steve clear his mind. It’s the first time in a while where he’s surrounded by people but no one knows him. Not his friends who know the real him, and not the ‘fans’ who think they know him, seeing as he’s almost unrecognizable today. Also, who would think Hollywood actors took the bus _in_ L.A.?

He arrives on set and grunts as he sees Brock arrive in his Jaguar. _Keep walking, Stevie, don’t let him get you down._

“That you, Stevie?” Rumlow shouts across the lot. “Ew, you look like such a dude today. I can’t mack on that face. Better get your ass to hair and makeup!”

“Thought they’d still be working on making _you_ look presentable,” he yells back, careful to keep it joking and not hateful, though he wishes he could just say what he really thinks of the pompous bastard.

But when he walks into wardrobe and Jessica, the wardrobe manager, remarks that he’s looking so casual today, it hits him again. He looks down at himself and goes over his outfit. Yeah, he’s wearing a men’s shirt, and most of his ass is covered…and Bucky lying in bed would have only seen the shirt, not the funky leggings. He looked like a guy today. And Bucky said ‘buddy.’ He didn’t say anything about last night, ‘cause that wasn’t the person standing in front of him. He had kissed him as _her_ , had wanted to kiss _Stevie_ again.

Steve knew this was too good to be true. Bucky’s best friend turned into a girl and his dream came true. Bucky wasn’t gay for Steve, he was straight for Stevie.

Steve wants to scream, so he does. “Urgh! Why is my life so fucking messed up?!”

 


	8. Chapter 8

Steve rubs at his face and bites down on the urge to punch someone in the throat. How did this even happen to him? Why couldn’t he have a simple love story? Boy/girl meets boy. They fall in love. The _fucking_ end.

As he walks out from behind the curtain of the dressing room in his summer dress, Jessica throws him a sympathetic smile. “So, just a week left of shooting for you, right?” she asks in an attempt to distract him.  The gentle expression on her face makes Steve feel guilty about practically shouting in her face a few minutes earlier.

But...one week? Was that it? Has time passed so quickly already? “Um…yeah, I guess so, huh?” he replies. “Time really flew on this set.”

Jessica smiles as she straightens out the skirt of his dress. It’s a simple outfit, but the pretty pattern of daisies is a nice nod to the flowery theme of the movie. They’re shooting a big scene, where David Thorn rescues Steve’s character, Melanie Jefferson, from Nettle’s grip. Unfortunately, that also means he’s gonna have to kiss Brock today. _Gag reflex, don’t fail me now_.

Jessica pats him on the shoulder, steering him towards the makeup trailer. “On you go, but try to lay off the donuts, babe. Those powdered sugar stains are _not_ easy to get out.”

Steve grins slightly apologetically and leaves to find Clint, makeup artist _extraordinaire._

\---

“Stevie, doll, am I glad to see you! Sit your little tushy down here for me, please.” Clint grabs his shoulders and plants him in the chair. “Today we need to go heavy on the matte lipstick, since you’re gonna be smooching away. Lucky him, right?”

Steve pulls a face and Clint cackles in the small trailer. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get used to it after take number five or six.”

He can’t help but pull a pouty face as he thinks about the horrid day of shooting before him. He almost misses the sudden serious expression on Clint’s face.

“Stevie, honey,” he almost whispers, as if there was anyone else in the trailer. “Don’t freak out, but did you forget to shave this morning?”

Steve does freak out. He most certainly starts to freak out. “What? I-What?” he starts to stutter. “I don’t-”

“Oh shush, you big drama queen! This is not news to me! You think me being up close and personal with your adam's apple every day for the last three months hasn’t given away the fact that you have a little something down your pants most women don’t? As I said, don’t freak out.” Clint rushes through this little speech, eager to calm Steve down, no doubt. “This is an easy fix, Stevie. You just need to shave off some of that peach fuzz.”

Steve sighs, loudly, and drops his face into the palms of his hands. “You’ve really known for three months?”

“Honey, I saw your casting video, I’ve known since the day I saw you,” Clint smiles and pats him on the shoulder. “That’s not to say you’re doing a bad job, hun, you look amazing. You were just a little...distracted this morning? You don’t usually make mistakes like this.”

Steve processes this fairly quickly, actually glad that Clint knows. “I went on a date last night,” he confesses.

Clint quirks his eyebrow, but remains silent, waiting for Steve to finish.

“And it went great, but this morning…” Steve hesitates. “This morning he didn’t treat me like he did last night, which kinda threw me off, I guess.”

“He stayed the night already?” Clint smirks.

Steve grins at Clint’s goofy face. “No, he’s my roommate, you perv.”

“Hey, hey! I don’t judge!” Clint laughs. “Really, Stevie, look at me.”

He sees Clint pulling that serious expression again. “I don’t judge. I don’t even need to know why or since when, I only need to know whatever you wanna tell me, okay?”

Steve nods and smiles, showing his gratitude. Then he stills, realizing something.

“Who else knows?” he asks, fearing the worst. “Does everyone? _Oh no._ Do the higher ups know?!”

Clint, _for some weird reason_ , is not freaking out, _again_ . “I think a bunch of the crew knows. And Jessica, of course. She needs to dress you, Stevie, of _course_ she knows. But they’re all cool with it, it’s no big thing. You probably have your reasons, we know that. We all do things to get around in this business, sweetie. Now stop stressing out so much, I hate having to fix those worry lines,” he smiles as he thumbs the lines away on Steve’s forehead.

Again, Steve isn’t panicking as he would have a few weeks earlier. He can be himself around here, he realizes. His true self. People know and _don’t hate him_. They still respect him as an actor, they literally don’t even care. This is basically all Steve ever wanted.

“Now let’s go get your face all soft as a baby’s bottom, huh?” Clint laughs as he drags him to the sink.

* * *

After Clint finishes his makeup and fixes up his hair into slightly less of an unruly mess, Steve walks out onto the lot and spots someone who’s got some ‘splaining to do.

“Peggy!”

Peggy looks his way, the guilt clear on her face.

“Where the fudgin’ heck were you last night?” he asks, trying to keep his vocabulary somewhat clean.

“Stevie, I’m so terribly sorry. I was home sick, I swear!”

Steve just has to lift an eyebrow to show how much he believes her.

“No, I swear! Angie took care of me all night, I felt like I was dying. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging like that.”

Alright, that does sound bad. He sighs, and says, “Okay, A, I hope you feel better and I’m sorry you were sick, but more importantly, B, why the hell didn’t you let me know?! You could have just sent me a heads up via text, or let Angie text me or something! You just stood me up!”

Peggy starts fidgeting at her jacket, and that doesn’t seem right. Peggy doesn’t fidget. She’s hiding something.

“You’re hiding something! Tell me. _Now_ , Peggy! Or I’ll…I’ll tell Brock you said he had a handsome face!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Peggy hisses.

“I would. You know I would,” Steve threatens.

“Alright fine!” she gives in. “It was Angie’s idea.”

Steve rolls his eyes; of course it was Angie.

“She thought you guys might like spending some quality time together. Like, _real_ quality time, not just hanging out in your apartment. We just wanted you guys-” she falters. “You _two_ to go on a date together.”

Steve can’t really stay mad at her for long. He can’t even make it 5 minutes. The night did end up being a lot fun, it’s only the morning that blew big baby chunks.

“Did it work?” she asks, noticing his silence. “Did something happen, Stevie?”

They silently decide to walk over to Peggy’s trailer and sit outside until call time.

“Tell me what happened, hun.”

“So…” he starts, deciding to try and look Peggy in the eyes for this. “It was fun. We talked, like, _a lot_ . It started to feel like old times again, you know. Only, on a romantic date with candlelight and wine and a fucking humongous plate of spaghetti.” He shakes his head. “And then, suddenly, he takes my hand and holds it, so gently, and I thought _oh my god this is happening_. But, you know, press and stuff.”

Peggy is clearly having some difficulty following along with his train of thought, but remains silent, waiting to hear the whole story first.

“But then we went for a walk in the park. And then somehow, we um…we ended up kissing.”

Steve is interrupted by Peggy’s gasp. “I’m sorry,” she puts her hand on her mouth. “Please continue.”

Steve grins. “Yeah, we just…it was nice, and it felt _right_ , you know? And then we went home and went to bed. Our _own_ beds,” he clarifies.

“Stevie, that’s great!”

“But then-”

“Oh no.”

“This morning,” he continues. “He called me his buddy. And it took me a while to figure it out, but then I did. It’s because I was in boy clothes.”

Peggy has a weird expression on her face, close to pity, Steve thinks. “Steve, babe, are you sure? What’s wrong with being his buddy?”

“Yeah, he just saw me in a big sweater and no makeup and messy hair and suddenly I was his best friend again. Not sweet, feminine Stevie from last night. Goofy, gangly Steve from forever ago. He likes _girls_ , Peggy. And there’s a lot I can do, but that’s not one of them. I can dress up as a girl, but I can’t actually _be_ one.”

“Did you ask him? If he liked girls or boys? Or both?”

“I didn’t need to, Peg. It was so clear. I really didn’t need to hear him say those words.” He lets out a deep breath. “The kisses were so good, though. _Oh my god_ , they were so good.”

Peggy looks doubtful, but thankfully tries to change the subject.

“We’ll talk about it some more another time. But...speaking of kissing…”

Steve can see where this is going and pulls a face.

“You have your kissing scene with Brock today, right?”

“Yes,” he grumbles.

“How are you feeling? Cause I remember that purple wrist you tried to hide from everyone, Steve.”

Steve winces, remembering asking Clint for concealer, thereby hoping to avoid the need to explain it to anyone.

“I’m good. I mean, I’m not…not really. Not because of the wrist thing, though. It’s just--I haven’t kissed anyone other than Bucky,” he admits. “Ever.”

Peggy mulls that over for a few seconds. “Right, okay.”

“So…I’m just a little nervous. Plus he was a dick to me earlier. So frankly, I don’t really wanna come close to him, but you know…can’t be a love interest without at least one smooch in the movie, right? I wouldn’t be a very good actor if I couldn’t even kiss someone.”

Peggy shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Stevie. Just that movie kisses are nothing like real kisses. They have to _look_ good, that’s all. So just, make it _look_ realistic and nice, and hopefully it won’t take too many takes to get there. And count your blessings that there’s just _one_ kiss in this movie.”

Steve giggles. “Oh yeah, thank fuck.”

They both turn around when Steve’s name is called.

“Miss Rogers? They’re ready for you on set.”


	9. Chapter 9

_ Is this really worth it _ , Steve wonders as he hears someone shout, “Take sixteen, and…action!”

Does he want to be an actor this badly? He can do anything else. He could go into retail; that seems fun. Anything to save him from having Brock Rumlow’s dry, chapped, and horribly tasting lips against his own for the umpteenth time.

They go through the scene, Steve swooping into ‘David Thorn’s’ arms and being twirled up against his body.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispers with a shaky voice.

“Roses may fall, but the Thorn remains.” Brock delivers the line with a straight face that Steve desperately tries to mirror. Who  _ wrote  _ this?

He braces himself for the kiss, eyes closed  _ and _ lips closed. Steve does not need that sleaze’s spit all up in his mouth hole.  _ Lie back and think of Bucky. _

And that’s exactly who he sees when the director  _ finally _ brings the shoot to an end. Bucky’s standing off to the side behind a bunch of crew members, eyes trained on Steve. Steve, who is still being fondled by Brock.

“Hands off, Rumlow. I am not your plaything and the cameras are off.”

“Aw Stevie, but we had so much fun! Thought you’d like to continue this party in my trailer.”

Steve throws his hands off him. “Please, call me Miss Rogers. And I wouldn’t be caught dead in your trailer.”

He can feel Brock’s hand starting to reach up his dress, so he dances away from him, shouting, “Bucky! Hi! You’re early.”

“Too early?” he scoffs, clearly annoyed at  _ something _ .

“What?” he looks around, checking to see if he’s missed something. “What are you talking about, Buck?”

“Nothing, nevermind,” he says through clenched teeth. “You ready to go home?”

“I gotta get changed first, Buck. You wanna wait out here on set?”

“Sure,” he nods, looking around, searching the lot for a specific face. “Rumlow!” he shouts. “A word?”

As much as Steve would like to hear what those two have to say to each other, he needs to change and get his stuff. He spots Peggy in her villain outfit and shoots her a look, silently begging her to check up on them. Once she nods, he feels safe to go over to Jessica’s and get back in his casual gear. Bucky’s mood will only go down after that, Steve supposes.

When he gets back on set, he can’t seem to find Bucky, Peggy,  _ or _ Rumlow. One of the lighting guys sees him looking around and directs him towards the back of the lot, but refuses to explain.

As he turns the corner, he can tell Bucky is talking to Brock and by the look on his face, he isn’t whispering niceties. Peggy spots him and tries to break it up.

“Bucky,” she warns, but Bucky doesn’t seem to notice her. Or Steve coming closer for that matter.

“Bucky!” she yells, and Bucky finally looks up. “Stevie’s here. Shouldn’t you two be going home?”

Steve smiles tentatively at Bucky, unsure of what’s going on. Buck, on the other hand, looks like he wants to break someone’s face, and Brock just looks like he’s about to piss himself.

Steve hasn’t seen Bucky this upset in his entire life. The look on his face, it scares him, it’s so unfamiliar. As Bucky walks towards him to leave, he grabs at Steve’s waist, pulling him along. But when they get to the car and Steve is sure nobody’s paying attention to them anymore, he pulls away.

“Bucky, don’t! Don’t touch me right now! What’s going on with you?”

Bucky grunts and refuses to answer. So naturally, Steve grunts back and gets in the car. Two can play at this ridiculous game.

 

* * *

 

Instead of walking into their apartment with Bucky, Steve turns and knocks on Nat and Sam’s door. Bucky just huffs and goes inside.

“‘Sup, Steve-O?” Sam asks after he opens the door. “Why do you look like shit run over?”

“Because,” he starts, very aware of how annoyed he sounds, “Bucky-”

“Say no more. Nat!”

“What!” He hears the muffled sound coming from the bedroom.

“Steve. About Bucky. Meeting now.”

“Say no more,” she says as she sprints into the living room. “Steve, sit down. We’re gonna talk. In depth this time.”

It should frighten him, it really should. But he knows this is long overdue, and Nat and Sam are two of his closest friends. It’s time to talk about the truth.

Sam settles into his chair and just looks at him in the way that only Sam can. It’s a look that gets him talking.

“So…I had a shoot with Brock today.”

Well, now they’re both looking at him weirdly, obviously not wanting to talk about Brock with him. 

“I have a point, I promise,” he says. “Just hear me out.”

They nod.

“It was a pretty important scene, one of the last ones in the movie, and…it was a kissing scene.”

He ignores Nat’s raised eyebrows and continues. “And then when we were done shooting, I saw Bucky was there, but he was so annoyed, it was really weird. I got changed and went to get my stuff from my trailer, and when I came back I saw him and Peg talking to Brock, and I think if I came by, like, a minute later he would have punched him! And now he’s acting like nothing’s wrong!”

“Steve…” Natasha starts, “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer it, but if you don’t, I kinda feel like you’re already answering it-”

“Yes, Natasha, what is it?”

“Was that your first kiss?”

Steve drops his face in his hands, trying to hide the blush he can feel heating his cheeks. “No,” he muffles through his fingers. The fingers also shield him from the no-doubt surprised faces of Sam and Nat.

“Who was?” Sam asks.

“Bucky,” he mumbles again.

“Alright, I  _ definitely _ want more info on that later, please, but…Steve, look at me.”

He sits up straight and looks his friends in their eyes.

“Don’t you think him seeing you kissing someone else might have triggered something? Call it…jealousy?”

“No,” Steve explains, “Cause he knows what acting is, obviously. I had to kiss Brock for the scene, like, 20 times, it was  _ definitely _ not fun for me.”

“Yeah, but knowing you’re acting doesn’t make seeing it happen any less weird, Steve.”

“Sam, Bucky doesn’t like me like that!”

They both snort at him.

“He doesn’t! Bucky likes girls.”

Nat starts to roll her eyes.

“For fuck’s sake, listen! Yeah, Bucky likes me  _ as a girl _ . He likes girls. I am not a girl.”

“Oh Steve…”

“No, don’t ‘oh Steve’ me right now. Really Nat, I didn’t come here for your pity. I’d rather go back to Bucky, cause at least he wasn’t talking down to me.”

“Steve-”

“No, leave it, Sam. I just…I can’t deal with this right now.”

He grabs his bag and leaves their place. He hopes Bucky has calmed down a bit, because Steve is not in the mood to argue right now.

 

* * *

 

Except that he  _ is _ . When he enters the apartment and Bucky is still giving him the silent broody treatment, looking like someone stepped on his puppy, Steve decides to get it all out in the open.

He throws down his bag and takes a stand. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“What?” Bucky seems caught off guard by that.  _ Good.  _ Steve is not messing around today.

“Why do you look like someone shit in your breakfast?”

“It’s 5 p.m.-”

“That is not the fucking point, Buck! What is going on with you?”

Bucky sighs and starts rubbing at his temples. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Don’t you dare ‘nothing’ me, mister, I have ‘nothing’d you plenty of times and you never let me get away with it. I thought we weren’t gonna have any more secrets.” The irony isn’t lost on Steve.

“Fine! No more secrets? Let’s get it all out there, shall we?” Bucky moves closer to him, standing less than a foot away now.

“Let’s!” he shouts back, not afraid to get all up in Bucky’s face.

“I fucking  _ hated _ seeing you with Rumlow today. That man is a despicable, gross, sexist swine and I didn’t like seeing his hands on you.”

“What, cause it was Rumlow?  _ That’s _ why you were mad?”

“No, ‘cause it was  _ someone _ ! Someone  _ other than me _ !”

Steve doesn’t know what to say to that, and takes a shocked step backwards. Those are the words he’s been waiting for, for so long. Only…

“You only say that because I looked like a girl. Hate to break it to you, Buck, but I can’t be a girl for you! You have no idea how badly I want this, but I will  _ not _ compromise who I am to get it. I can’t be your girlfriend.”

“Steve…what the fuck are you talking about? Girlfriend? Who told you I wanted a girlfriend?”

Steve falters. “I-just…you…” he stammers, voice growing more and more silent.

“I what?” Bucky asks, looking a lot calmer but confused. He steps closer again and puts his hands on Steve’s shoulders. “I want  _ you _ , Steve. Don’t you get that? All I want is you.”

“I…what if I don’t believe you? ‘Cause you send  _ a lot _ of mixed signals, Bucky. You only seem to care for me when I’m wearing a dress.”

Bucky smiles, but for the life of him, Steve can’t see the humour in this.

“I only see you in dresses these days, Steve. When did you think I didn’t care?”

Steve thinks back, but right now he can only think of this morning. Did he really imagine all the other instances? Could Bucky be serious here?

“Well, what about this morning?”

“What about this morning? I had a great night with you last night, but I had to finish up some work stuff so I only went to bed at 3 a.m. This morning I was so tired, Stevie…I’m sorry if I did anything to hurt your feelings, really. 

“No, don’t apologize,” Steve says, feeling sheepish. “I think I got so caught up in my head, I started imagining things, getting in my own way…  _ I’m _ sorry, Buck.”

Steve starts fidgeting with Bucky’s shirt, grounding himself after this flood of new information.

So…” Bucky trails off. “You want this? Badly?”

Steve doesn’t even fight the blush. “Of course I want this.  _ You. _ I’ve wanted you since forever. But how do I know you won’t feel different when I’m...you know...not looking like this?”

“Stevie, I will feel the same no matter what you wear, I promise. But, just ‘cause I know you won’t believe me, let me take you out on a date.”

“What, like the restaurant?”

“No, not like the restaurant, although that was a lot of fun,” Bucky grins. “Let me take you out, wherever you want. Just one condition.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HERE

Steve is nervous. Well, that’s putting it mildly. Steve is near shitting himself with nerves. He knew he would, he can’t  _ not _ be nervous when going on a date with the man he’s been in love with since he was about 6 years old. So he was smart about it and asked Peggy and Angie if he could stay with them for a little while. They wrapped up the movie a few days ago, and they’re just hanging out and relaxing after a pretty stressful couple of weeks. Steve had gotten up in the morning, shoved some outfit options into his bag, and headed out early so he wouldn’t see Bucky. Which was a stupid way of thinking, really, since Bucky would pick him up at 4 p.m. anyway. No one ever said Steve was logical.

He’s twitching in his seat, fidgeting at the edge of his shirt, and even Peg and Angie can’t distract him.

“Steve, honey, if you don’t let go of that jumper soon, it will disintegrate in your hands,” Peggy chastises him. “And don’t you dare start thinking about biting your nails again, we worked too damn hard to get them polish-ready.”

Steve instantly lets go of his sweater, for the fifth time that day. “Do I look okay?”

Bucky’s one condition for the date had surprised him, to say the least. But he took it in stride, didn’t freak out (too badly), and went on to look for the perfect date outfit. From the  _ men’s _ department. Bucky had asked him to come in his comfortable clothes, as long as they were “men’s clothes,” because that way he could show Steve that he didn’t care about the outfit. So Steve said fine, disbelieving, but willing to try, and had gone shopping with Peggy, Angie, and after some consideration, had invited Nat along as well. They’d settled on a casual outfit, with Steve wearing a pair of skinny, ripped black jeans and a black t-shirt covered by a grey cotton sweater. He finished off the look with some burgundy Doc Martens. And  _ yes _ , he might be wearing a bra underneath. And some panties. But no one needs to know about those. Bucky  _ did _ say he should dress in what he’s comfortable in. And it turns out, lingerie is  _ super _ comfortable for Steve. There’s barely gone a day past where Steve wasn’t wearing a nice bra or sexy panties, they just made him feel so  _ good _ . The feeling on his skin, and honestly, just knowing they were there while no one else knew was exhilarating.

Angie rolls her eyes at him, but refrains from commenting, as she did the other three times Steve asked the question.

“Stevie,” Peggy says, exasperated, “you look amazing, honestly. Bucky is going to love it. But I’m sure he will love whatever you put on.”

Steve quirks his eyebrow at her; they’ve talked about this before. 

“I know, I know! I won’t push the subject any further,” she smiles at him. “So just, coming from us, you look great.”

“Thanks,” he says, forever blushing at any sort of compliment. “And thanks for always helping me out, Peg…I am really grateful for all you’ve done for me.”

“You’re welcome, Steve, but that’s what friends do. I’ll always be here for you, dear.”

“Alright, stop it, I’m red enough as it is!” he grins, but his stomach drops to the floor when the doorbell rings.

Peggy nudges him out of the sofa. “I think that’s for you. Have fun, Steve. Don’t overthink things so much.”

Angie throws him a little smirk and a wave and Steve goes to open the door.

Oh, his poor organs today, because after the stomach drop, now his heart starts beating like a madman in his chest. And when he opens the door and sees Bucky standing there, looking  _ suave as fuck _ in a leather jacket, his heart stops for a millisecond, and then calms down instantly.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Stevie.”

“You…uh,” he starts, checking Bucky out. Not only is Bucky wearing a leather jacket that makes Steve salivate profusely, but he’s also wearing his hair up. In a bun. This is Steve’s dream look on Bucky, and he allows himself to feel giddy. He allows himself to feel attracted to him, and to  _ show _ his attraction to him. He can do this now. “You look really nice, Buck.”

He can see the grin grow on Bucky’s face as he notices Steve’s appreciative eyes. “Thanks, Steve. You do too.”

And for the first time, Steve allows himself to believe it.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

* * *

Steve is so,  _ so _ badly out of shape. It’s ridiculous how often he had to ask Bucky to slow down on the trail, ‘cause he was starting to breathe a little heavily.

“Alright, maybe this wasn’t a great idea,” Bucky huffs next to him, grabbing his own side. “I thought it’d be fun to do the hike up the mountain, but I clearly forgot we aren’t in the greatest shape. No offense to you, Stevie.”

“None taken,” he laughs breathlessly. “Do we have long to go still?” He looks around him at the trail, while thinking that Bucky really shouldn’t pretend to be out of breath. His muscles have muscles; there’s no way he’s tired.

“Nah, I think we should see the Griffith appear soon.” He greets a couple that passes them by and gives Steve a hand. “Come on, a little further and then we can have a small picnic!”

“Food?” His interest is piqued now. “You brought food?”

“Well, of course I brought food, who has a dinner date without food?”

“What did you bring? Is it sammiches?”

“Stop calling them ‘sammiches’, Steve,” he laughs, “but I guess you’ll find out once we get there!”

“Damn you.”

* * *

“These are wicked good sammiches, Buck.”

“For fuck’s sake, Steve, you’re not from Boston.”

* * *

They’re stretched out on the grass, watching the sun set, and Steve’s cheeks hurt from laughing so hard. He’s had a great day with his best friend, but he hasn’t missed Bucky’s eyes wandering across his body. It seems silly to Steve now, how he got so caught up in his head. Bucky  _ is _ interested in him, no matter what he’s dressed like, no matter who is around, under every single circumstance… And that’s just what Steve has always wanted.

“Are you having fun, Steve?”

“You know I am, Buck,” he grins. “I’ve missed this.”

Bucky smiles, and he’s not even pretending to look at the sunset anymore. 

“Do you believe me if I say you look beautiful?” he asks.

“Maybe,” he blushes. “Yeah, maybe I do.” He grins as Bucky invites him to come closer, and he cuddles Steve into his arms as they lie down. “You look beautiful too, though. If you didn’t know.”

With his arm thrown across Bucky’s chest, he can feel him produce a small bark of a laugh. “I like hearing you say it. And I like telling you, too.”

“Will you tell me often?”

“I’ll tell you always.”

* * *

This time, there’s no discussing it beforehand. They don’t tell each other, or ask the other person if it’s allowed. Somewhere along the line, their mouths just meet. The first touch is chaste but sweet; they’re both relaxed, and it feels just right. Steve inhales Bucky’s scent and exhales a moan. Their lips glide together and when they stop gliding, Steve licks into Bucky’s mouth. They’re small licks, gentle, but not shy, sometimes alternating with some soft biting at the lips. And once the kiss starts to feel lazy, it becomes sloppy. Tongues twirling together, exploring each other’s taste, both of them moaning along the way.

Bucky rolls Steve on top of him and pulls him close to his chest. His hands wander, underneath Steve’s sweater, underneath Steve’s shirt, until they reach...his bra.

Steve goes tense instantly and opens his eyes, but he can’t shy away from Bucky, who’s looking up at him heatedly. Bucky, whose hands glide underneath the bra, just resting there, rubbing at Steve’s back. Bucky, who kisses him again, guides him back down, and takes his breath away once more.

It feels like minutes but is probably hours later when they let the world in again. Steve opens his eyes and is entranced by the way Bucky’s looking back at him. He sinks his fingers into Bucky’s soft hair and gently tugs on some loose strands.

“Hi there.”

He snorts. “Hi, Buck. How are you?”

“I’m great, thanks. How about you?”

Steve hooks his thumbs at the hinges of Bucky’s jaw and kisses him, a simple, firm press of lips. “Never been better.”

Steve’s pretty sure he’s gone from not overthinking to not thinking at  _ all  _ when he suddenly realizes Bucky’s bulge is rubbing against his thigh. Because Bucky has certainly noticed his.

“So…I guess that answers all my questions, really.”

“Really, Steve?” he asks. “You  _ still _ weren’t sure?”

“It’s not that, I promise! It’s just…it’s nice to know, is all. That this does it for you.”

“Stevie…” Bucky sighs. “ _ You _ do it for me. I’m attracted to  _ you _ . When my dick gets hard,” he whispers, “it gets hard because of you.”

“Shit,” Steve huffs, “I really wish we weren’t out in public right now.”

Bucky nods and laughs. “I think the public agrees with you,” he says as another lady tuts at them and speed walks away.

He rests his chin on Steve’s shoulder for a moment and then kisses his neck. “Come on, we should head home if we want to take care of this situation in our pants.”

Steve grins at that, and it turns into a smile as he thinks about Bucky saying  _ home _ . “Your place or mine?” he jokes.

“Ours,” Bucky replies and kisses him on his closed eyelids. “Silly you.”

Bucky's lips move to his cheek next, then find the curve of Steve's smile before sweetly plundering his mouth once more. It’s five minutes later and they’ve not stood up yet. 

“Steve…” Bucky kisses him one final time and pulls away. “I really,  _ really _ wanna take you home and do bad things to you, but in order for me to do that, we do need to get up at some point.”

Steve groans and stands up, making sure to let his hands trail Bucky’s chest and the waistband of his pants.

“You’re a fucking menace.” Bucky adjusts himself before standing too, and gathers all the stuff from the picnic. Then he gets a gleeful look on his face. “I’ll race you down this mountain.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week on YATOOWNTK: smut.


	11. Chapter 11

They were surprisingly quiet on the way home, Bucky keeping his eyes on the road and Steve keeping his eyes on Bucky. Though Bucky did ask him to stop it a few times, since it was too distracting. Steve had just grinned and turned to look forward, unable and unwilling to keep the smile off his face.

When they get home the quiet remains between them, almost shy. Until the door closes and Bucky’s gaze turns hungry.

“Steve…”

“Yeah, Buck.”

“Can you just...just tell me, is this your first time? Just nod, baby, you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to.”

Steve is thankful for how Bucky can read all his signs and knows how to avoid him freaking out. He nods, bravely looking Bucky in the eyes.

“What do you want?”

“I want you,” Steve breathes. “I want you inside of me.”

Steve feels nervous, still, and he can’t explain it. This is Bucky, his best friend, soon to be his lover. This is his dream.

Bucky makes the few steps keeping them apart and cups his face, kisses him sweetly. Tenderly, almost, but that’s not what Steve wants, what he needs.

“I want you to…to not be gentle. Don’t treat me like I’m weak, okay? Like, show me you lo--show me you care about me,” he falters, chastising himself for the near slip-up. “But don’t treat me like I’m not your equal.”

“Of course, Stevie. Of course I will. Come here.”

He pulls Steve closer, not as gentle as the kiss, and Steve feels himself going hard in his panties. Bucky grabs his face and angles it just right, ready for him to plunge into. They kiss in hungry, sloppy swipes of tongue against tongue, making it messy, dirty, and Steve grows impossibly harder. As they lick into each other, Bucky’s hands glide towards Steve’s lower back and then slip into his pants. The movement moves Bucky’s crotch closer to his and he can feel the throb of Bucky’s cock as Bucky’s hands discover his panties.

“Jesus fuck,” Bucky huffs, “How are you real? Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

Steve smiles and kisses him again, sucking on Bucky’s tongue, hands moving towards Bucky’s and pushing them further into his pants.

Bucky’s fingers trail his cheeks, his crack, and he pushes a finger against his hole through the material of the panties. Steve whimpers and drops his face against Bucky’s shoulder, licking his way up to his jaw.

“Buck,” he whines, and he doesn’t recognize his own voice. “ _More_ …”

Bucky removes his hands from his pants and takes his leather jacket off, and _how did he still have that on?_

__

_(Art by MissPaperJoker)_

“Take off your clothes, Steve.”

Oh, that tone of voice, Steve loves it. Bucky sounds in control, and Steve feels like he can let go. He takes his sweater and t-shirt off in one go, kicks off his Docs, pushes his jeans down, and steps out of them. When he moves to take off his underwear, Bucky stops him.

“Leave them. For now, just let me...” he trails off as he turns Steve against him, his front plastered against him, Bucky’s cock brushing against Steve’s cheeks clad in lace. He trails his fingers against Steve’s nipples through the bra, a repeat performance of that day on the couch that seems like a million years ago. He rubs them, huffing into Steve’s ears as he feels them turn into hard nubs.

“Shit, Steve, you’re so responsive.”

Steve drops his head onto Bucky’s shoulder and grinds back into his groin. “Bucky, I need _more_.”

Bucky sucks a hickey onto his skin, pinches his nipples, and pushes him towards his bedroom. “Get on the bed.”

Steve almost bounces straight off again from excitement. He’s tired of the underwear now, and his panties are drenched with precome already, so he takes them and the bra off. Then he gets comfortable on the bed, stroking himself slowly as he watches Bucky undress himself. He’s teasing him, clearly, taking his time with it. Showing off his bulging muscles at every opportunity, and very casually rolling down his boxer briefs, finally revealing his cock to Steve.

“Holy shit,” Steve mutters, impressed. “How have you been able to hide that from me?”

Bucky grins and comes closer, placing himself between Steve’s open legs. Steve’s still momentarily distracted by the vision he was just granted, so he doesn’t realize that Bucky has already grabbed the lube from his nightstand until he feels a warm, wet finger rubbing against his hole.

But before he can react to that, he’s taken aback again as Bucky takes his cock in his mouth. Steve groans and bucks, nearly choking Bucky in the process.

“I’m sorry!” he apologizes, but Bucky stays there, licking at the head, one hand rubbing his thigh, the other rubbing at his hole.

Bucky works him slowly, opening him up with one finger, then two, taking his time. While stretching him, he presses the palm of his hand against his perineum, which has Steve gasping and gripping the sheets.

“Fuck, fuck!” Steve can’t help but shout, and he pulls Bucky off his cock. “You gotta stop that, or this will be over way too soon.”

“I don’t see why you can’t get off yet,” Bucky whispers. “In fact, I encourage it.” He throws Steve a mean smirk as he scissors his fingers, pushes in a third one, and presses against his prostate, making Steve see shooting stars on the backs of his eyelids.

“Bucky, please!”

“Steve,” he huffs into Steve’s ear, “I want you to come. Right now.”

Steve’s vision turns black as he comes hard, almost untouched, surprised at himself. He spots the look of awe that washes over Bucky’s face before he buries his face in Steve’s neck, panting heavily.

Steve revels in the way they fit together while their breathing evens out, him kissing Bucky’s neck, open-mouthed and sloppy, before he remembers this is far from over.

“Bucky?”

“You ready, baby?”

Steve nods enthusiastically, lost for words, and Bucky kisses him, takes his time to explore Steve’s mouth, distracting him while he slowly enters him. Steve tries to breathe, tries to relax for it, but Bucky’s big and Steve’s new at this.

“Exhale, baby, breathe out. That’s it,” Bucky encourages him as he pushes deeper into him. “You’re doing so good, baby, I love it. Are you ready?”

Steve whines and pants as he feels so, _so_ full. He makes a conscious effort to nod and opens his eyes to see what Bucky’s feeling. He sees awe, adoration; he sees _love_.

Then Bucky starts thrusting in and out. He presses his hand against Steve’s cheek, forehead resting against his. Steve can’t stop groaning and gasping at the movements he feels. Bucky grips his waist as his thrusts quicken, deepen, and Steve has never felt so full, so thoroughly _fucked_. His cock is half-hard again, leaking on his stomach as Bucky slams into him repeatedly.

“Fuck, Steve.”

Steve can’t respond, too fucked-out to speak. All he can do is grunt and moan, hoping that Bucky understands him. Eventually, Bucky slows his pace and slides his arms underneath Steve’s, holding onto his shoulders, pinning Steve against him, pushing himself in even more. He stills for a moment and catches his breath while Steve squirms underneath him. Bucky switches to slow, hard thrusts, pushing Steve up the bed a little every time. Their bodies are so close, Bucky is effectively jacking Steve off with his abs. They kiss, messy and sweet, and Bucky grunts into Steve’s mouth as he comes, and just a second later Steve feels his second orgasm rush through him. He’s out of breath but determined to keep kissing Bucky, not ready to lose the contact, not ready for them to break apart. Bucky pushes himself up on his elbows and grins at him, almost giggles really and Steve can’t help but join him, chuckling at what just happened. That was amazing, Bucky is amazing and Steve has never felt so amazing. The great sex has obviously messed with his vocabulary skills.

“Stevie,” Bucky starts, the more sensible of the two. “We should get cleaned up, ‘cause we’re not gonna like this in the morning.”

“Nuh-uh,” Steve moans. “Stay.” He pulls a face as Bucky pulls out, but smiles when he realizes he’s still lying on top of him. He puts his arms around Bucky’s neck, pulls him close and kisses him. “Stay.”

* * *

 

Steve has never been good at telling the time of day without a clock nearby, but judging from the streams of sunlight on his and Bucky’s bodies, it’s somewhere before noon. Bucky’s arms are wrapped around his body and his hair looks wonderfully tousled. Steve can’t stop himself from pecking him on the nose and laughing quietly when Bucky crinkles it in response.

“Morning, Bucky.”

“Hmmm. Mornin’,” Bucky mumbles, but smiles with his eyes closed.

Steve moves to get out of bed, but Bucky’s arms tighten around him. “Where you goin’?”

“Just going to brush my teeth, I’ll be right back.”

“Nuh-uh, you’re staying right here.” He pulls Steve closer to him and kisses him sweetly, licking into his mouth.

“Buck, I smell,” he protests, but he’s laughing like a kid.

“Shuddup, Steve, I like the way you smell.”

“With morning breath?”

“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?” Bucky grins at him, finally opening his eyes to the world. “You okay, Stevie?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Buck, really good...”

“But?”

Steve sighs; he’d hoped he could enjoy his morning some more before he had to do this. “But do you think we should talk about some things?”

“Like what? I don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. Do _you_ wanna talk about anything? Cause you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know…it’s just, you didn’t say anything yesterday, when you found the…” Steve falters. “When you found the panties.”

Bucky kisses him, gently. “‘Cause I obviously didn’t mind them, Steve, I mean _really_ …they turned me on more than anything.” He smiles wide and pinches Steve’s hip. “Do you want to tell me about them?”

Steve blushes as he realizes he can show Bucky so much more where that came from; he has a whole drawer full now.

“I...I just really like them. I like how they feel, and I get excited when I wear them. They’re like...like my little secret.”

Bucky laces his fingers through Steve’s and kisses his knuckles, silently urging him to continue.

“It started out as just me wearing bras under the dresses, you know, for show, or for fittings. And then I wanted some more. In different colours and fabrics, and then I saw the panties, and then I realized there were man panties, so that got me thinking, like, I could wear them under my jeans too, and I guess I just never stopped.

“Can I tell you something?” Steve knows Bucky literally just told him he could tell him anything, but he still wants that reassurance.

Bucky nods at him, a small smile on his lips.

“I know I blew up at you about not being a girl, but…” he hesitates. “Sometimes I think that I might want to be. But then other days I’m absolutely fine with being a guy. And I just get confused a lot, because why can’t I be both? Why do I have to choose?”

“You don’t.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to choose. It’s called being genderqueer, I think. I learned about it in my gender studies class in college. It’s people that don’t see a clear line between masculine and feminine, or that consider themselves to have no gender, or people who move between genders. It’s basically an umbrella term for a few things, but I think you might want to look into that. It could clear a lot of things up for you.”

Steve mulls the term over in his head; it does sound intriguing. “How do you know all this stuff? Wasn’t gender studies just an extra course or something?”

“I found it really interesting,” Bucky blushes now. “I figured out some stuff about myself in there as well.”

Steve quirks an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Like I’m pansexual.”

“Pansexual? I haven’t heard of that, what does that mean?”

“It means, I like people. I don’t really look at ‘that person is a man’ or ‘that person is a woman,’ people are just... _people_.”

“So, what you’re basically saying is…we’re a perfect fit.” Steve is grinning wide, trailing his fingers through Bucky’s loose and wild hair.

“Yeah,” Bucky replies. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yes,” Steve answers, because he does, he can sense it. “I love you too, you know?”

Bucky nods and smiles, content.


	12. Chapter 12

Steve is lounging on the couch, happily doing nothing productive as he reads through a few gossip magazines. Pierce Entertainment had sent them over, since he--or better yet, Stephanie Rogers--was featured in them, but Steve was just glancing through them, wasting time. He hears the front door close, and since it can only be Bucky with the groceries, he peers up from behind his magazine and mutters, “Hey, Buck.”

And then he can hear Bucky dropping the bags on the floor; he’s pretty sure he hears a jar break.

“What are those?” Bucky asks, pointing at Steve.

“What, these? They’re just gossip magazines, Pierce sent them ov-”

“Not those,” Bucky steps closer and points at Steve’s face. “ _Those_.”

Steve is confused and touches his face to see if he smudged something there when he finally realizes. “Oh, my glasses? I went to pick them up yesterday, I just need them for reading. Angie noticed I was squinting a lot, and she literally said, ‘That’s not a great look on you, Stevie,’ and so after I punched her in the tit, they took me to the...” Steve trails off as he notices Bucky’s incessant staring. “What’s wrong? You don’t like them?”

“Shit, Steve, I _do_. I fucking love them.” He hurls himself on top of Steve, throwing the magazines onto the floor in the process. Unfortunately, Steve is unprepared and not at all coordinated, so they fall off the couch, on top of the magazines. Steve snorts at him, laughing like a maniac, scrunching up his nose, but when he looks at Bucky’s eyes, seeing his pupils dilated with just a sliver of colour around them, he’s not laughing anymore.

“Wow, you’re not kidding. You really love these?”

“Yeah,” Bucky breathes.

“Do they make you horny?”

Bucky grunts, “Fuck yes.”

Steve’s eyes widen as he feels the confirmation rubbing against his thigh. “Shit. We need a bed. Now.”

* * *

Holy shit. _Holy shit_ . This is happening. Bucky is going to put his tongue... _there_. Steve is breathing heavily, reclining on the end of his bed, legs hanging off the edge. “Bucky…” Steve swallows hard. “Are you sure about this?”

 

(art by _anonymous_ )

Bucky, for lack of a better word, _pets_ his stomach, and surprisingly, it soothes him.

“As sure as I am that if you go outside the house with those glasses, I will not be held responsible. I’m serious, Stevie, they could arrest me for public indecency. You look sexy as hell.”

Steve laughs at the thought, then blushes at the thought, then gets back to real life. “Bucky, I’m gonna need you to touch me now, ‘cause my dick is starting to blush from the way you’ve been staring.”

Bucky’s eyes glint, and Steve knows it’s because of his mouth. He told him before how much he loves it when Steve speaks the truth, speaks his mind, stops caring about the consequences. Bucky rewards him with a lick at his rim, and the unfamiliar sensation has Steve almost falling backwards.

Bucky glides his hands around Steve’s thighs and places his feet on his shoulders. “Just relax. Or I’ll _make_ you relaxed; your choice,” Bucky grins. Steve watches, half-dazed, as Bucky moves his head down and he sighs, eyes rolling back when he feels Bucky’s tongue pushing into him.

 

It’s sloppy, messy, but Steve likes it that way. He likes it when things get a little filthy, and this is by far the filthiest thing Bucky has done to him yet.

“Oh Buck...oh fucking _hell_ , that’s so good,” he whines as Bucky licks at him, swipes his tongue around, dips it inside, no clear pattern.

He whimpers when Bucky stops, unhappy at the loss of contact, but then Bucky says, “Turn around, baby. Get on your knees for me.”

His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as he scrambles to belly flop onto the bed, then drags himself up on hands and knees, presenting himself to Bucky.

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Bucky utters behind him. “You look so good, so beautiful like this.”

When he feels Bucky’s hands spreading his cheeks and the warm air of Bucky’s breath hits his hole, he drops to his elbows. “Bucky,” he whines, “please?”

Bucky licks a stripe up from his balls to his crack, then dips the tip of his tongue back inside. He pushes it around, explores every part he can reach and then adds a finger next to it. He pushes it down, knowing exactly where to torment Steve by pushing at his prostate, and then ignoring it for what feels like forever. “Bu-Bucky! You fucking shithead!”

Bucky nips at his cheek and slides in two fingers, only this time he’s not teasing anymore. He’s pushing relentlessly at his prostate while licking at his rim, making Steve go wild, blind with lust and pleasure as his orgasm hits and the sheer intensity surprises him; he falls flat on his stomach.

Bucky’s still prodding inside with two fingers, teasing him through it, until Steve moves his arm back to slap him away. “Stop, you madman,” he mumbles sleepily. “Get away from my asshole.”

He hears Bucky snort and grins back, eyes closed from exhaustion.

“But what about me, Stevie?” Bucky teases.

Steve points his arms in what he assumes is the direction of the nightstand. “Get the lube, use my legs.”

Bucky seems to choke on his own spit, by the sound of it. “Jesus, Stevie, the _mouth_ on you.”

He smiles wide. “You love the mouth on me…but I’m sleepy, so my legs will have to do.”

“ _Oh my god_ , to think people assume you’re a sweet little angel.”

“Weren’t you getting off?”

“Patience, dollface!”

The room is silent for a few seconds as Bucky gets the bottle of lube out and coats his erection. He drapes himself over Steve, tucks his arms underneath his armpits. Then he slides his cock in between Steve’s thighs and goes to fucking town. His cock hits Steve’s still _very_ sensitive balls, and Steve moans along with him until he can feel Bucky’s come hit his balls, his thighs, and because Bucky’s an absolute dick, he pulled out and coated some of his ass too.

“Bucky, whyyyyy?” Steve pouts, “I was going to nap, now I have to go shower!”

“I could make it worth your while?” he says, peppering kisses up Steve’s neck.

“I don’t think I can move, what do you think you can do to me?”

Steve senses Bucky getting up from the mattress and whines.

“Alright, babydoll,” he says as he lifts Steve from the bed in a bridal hold. “Let me take care of you.”

Steve _does not squeal_ , and he hits Bucky on the chest as he’s being carried towards the bathroom. “I’d punish you if I wasn’t so tired,” he says as he nuzzles his face into Bucky’s neck.

* * *

It’s only a few hours later when they head up to the roof of their apartment building, where they are meeting Nat, Sam, Angie, and Peggy for a small celebration. The movie is finished, and in two weeks, it will be released around the world. They’ll even get to attend a big red carpet event right there in Los Angeles. But for now, they’re having a barbecue. Bucky opens the roof door and Steve can see Sam and Angie manning the grill, Nat and Peggy talking with cold beers in their hands.

Bucky can sense his nerves, of course he can. He squeezes his hand and whispers in his ear, “You look gorgeous, Steve.”

He decided today was a day of doing whatever the fuck he wanted, no matter what anyone thought of him. Sounds great in theory, but Steve’s still shitting himself at what their friends might say when they see him. He’d chosen to wear high waisted jean shorts, like, _short_ shorts, paired with a red and white polka-dotted shirt. Some white sneakers and a funky orange bag to match just made him feel confident when he put it on. He should remember that feeling, because he looks great, feels great. _Gorgeous_.

He expects turned heads and long, silent stares, but his friends surprise him by smiling and welcoming them, which really _shouldn’t_ surprise Steve. They’re his friends for a reason.

“You look nice, Steve! So colourful!” Sam says, turning away from the grill for a second.

Steve tries to cough away the lump in his throat and fails miserably when he sees Nat smiling at him, and she gets up to hug him tightly.

“You look seriously amazing, Steve,” she whispers in his ear. “You look hotter than me.”

He barks a laugh at her, kissing her on the cheek. “I can teach you, if you want.”

“Might take you up on that,” Nat grins.

“Come on, Steve, Bucky, grab a cold one!”

* * *

It’s a few hours later and they’re all sitting around the garden table someone dragged up there, enjoying the city lights, the night sky.

“So, I’m just gonna be totally honest here, I’m really glad you two finally got your heads out of your asses.”

Steve coughs up his drink at Sam’s words.

“Yeah,” Nat adds fuel to the fire. “It only took you guys, what, twenty years?”

Steve cranes his head back to look at Bucky behind him. “Twenty years?”

“Yeah, around that number,” he grins. “You?”

“Just about.”

The whole table laughs at that, and Bucky hugs Steve tighter to his body. He nudges his side a little, reminding him of what he needed, _wanted_ to share with his friends.

“So…” he starts. “I feel like I just want to explain a few things.”

He continues as he sees his friends giving him encouraging smiles. “I’m not a girl now, or anything. But I also don’t feel like I’m a guy? It’s just some days I feel like I’m one thing, and the next it could be different, you know? Or maybe you don’t, cause that’s why I’m explaining it right now--okay, sorry, I’m rambling now.” He feels Bucky kiss his neck tenderly, and he calms down.

“I’m genderfluid. So that means, I don’t have a fixed gender, I sorta, _move_ between them. I’m not great at explaining it, but I’d be glad to answer any questions you have about me, personally. And you know, any other questions you can just google, I mean, that’s how I found out a lot of stuff.”

He’s met with silence, but it’s a comfortable one, and Steve feels lighter from the admission.

“Thanks for telling us, Stevie,” Peggy says.

“Yeah, same here, Steve,” Sam adds. “And you know, I’m sure we’ll learn a lot along the way too. We don’t need to play 20 Questions right now. Let’s just enjoy spending time together, alright?”

Steve nods and smiles, drops his head back to Bucky’s shoulder.

He doesn’t know what’s gonna happen in the future, what’s gonna happen in his career, but Steve likes that; he likes the unpredictability of this industry. Who knows what his next job will be? Will it be for a male part, a female part? Maybe someday he could play a nonbinary person; that would be _amazing_. For now, he’s enjoying living in the moment, in his hometown, with his friends, and his love by his side.


	13. Epilogue

“Steve, for the love of all that is holy -- and that includes your sweet, sweet ass -- are you almost ready? Please, I’m dying!”

“Bucky, I swear, you ask me one more time and we’re not having sex for a week.”

“You’d punish yourself too, though.” Bucky grins at the closed door in front of him.

“That’s how serious I am, now shut up! You’re slowing me down even more!”

“I don’t understand why I can’t see you do this, Stevie, I love watching you get dressed. Almost as much as I love undressing you. Taking you apart, piece by piece…”

“Fuck, Bucky! I can  _ not _ get hard in this outfit! I warned you!”

Bucky barks with laughter as he returns to the bathroom to tweak his look.

It’s the day of the premiere for  _ Black Rose _ , and they’re going to the red carpet event right here in L.A. It’s turning out to be a pretty big deal, with lots of international press coming too, so Steve told Bucky to get a fancy suit because they were going to “fucking stand out.” Bucky had picked up the last pieces of his outfit yesterday, a gorgeous dark blue suit with black lapels, and he decided to pair them with some smart black shoes. He was wearing a watch, and a silver marble ring to “match” the gold one he gave to Stevie on their one month anniversary a few days ago. 

He put his hair in a bun, per Steve’s request, and had grown out his scruff, also at Steve’s request. He wanted to make this the perfect day for him, indulging in his every wish.

“Bucky?” he hears coming from the living room. “Where are you, I want you to shit your pants when you see me.”

“Why are you always so graphic? And why would you  _ want _ me to--” he falters as he sees Steve standing in front of him. “ _ Shit _ .”

“What do you think?” Steve asks, unable to suppress the giant grin on his face.

Steve looks absolutely stunning, like he was born to do this. He’s wearing a strapless black jumpsuit with a golden belt, looking sexy but sophisticated, and around his shoulders and arms there’s an amazingly intricate gold chain, almost mimicking wings. And as always, his unspeakably high heels, baby pink for this occasion, are a compliment to the entire look. He’s wearing his golden ring, along with a mean-looking, sharp pink one. He has a gold clutch in his hands, and he looks like a million bucks.

“Steve…” Bucky has no words, none. He moves forward to kiss Steve, eager to  _ show _ him how much he loves him, now that he can’t find the words to tell him.

“Don’t mess up my makeup, dipshit,” he huffs, but Bucky can tell he’s getting emotional too. So Bucky buries his face in Steve’s neck, taking in his scent and kissing behind his ear. “I really fucking love you.”

“I really fucking love you too…” Steve clears his throat. “Okay, let’s pull ourselves together, because I was an idiot that decided not to use waterproof mascara.”

Bucky hugs him close, one more time before he asks, “You ready, Stevie?”

“Let’s go.”

* * *

“Miss Rogers! Miss Rogers, over here! Who are you wearing tonight?”

Ugh, Bucky rolls his eyes. That’s the fifth time someone asked Steve that question, and hopefully the fifth time Steve refuses to answer.

“Can I ask  _ you _ a question?” he hears Steve reply. “Did you ask Brock Rumlow about his outfit too? Did you ask him how long he spent on makeup? On hair? Who did his nails?”

Bucky has to hold back his grin, since he’s effectively in the eyeline of about 50 paparazzi, but he’s so fucking proud of Steve. He just loves the way the lady’s face is falling the longer Steve talks to her, how she grows paler and looks more and more guilty.

“No, you didn’t. You asked him what it was like playing in a big Hollywood movie again. You asked him if he enjoyed working with the director, what life was like on set. I don’t recall you asking him if it was ‘hard to be around such talented actresses,’ like you asked me about his amazing physique. Yes, I look amazing tonight, but that does not define me. So please, I will answer your questions, as soon as I feel like you respect us the same amount. Enjoy the movie.”

He even manages to say it all with a smile on his face, looking charismatic and charming as fuck. Good God, Bucky loves him so much.

As they walk towards the end of the red carpet, closing in on the theatre doors, Bucky asks, “Nice rant?”

“Oh, lovely,” Steve replies as he takes Bucky’s hand in his.

* * *

They sat in the second row as they watched the movie, next to Peggy and Angie, who the press had dubbed Peggy’s ‘gal pal.’ Thankfully, they just laughed at the phrase and told them to do the same, because Steve was about ready to throw his shoe in utter rage.

The movie was good, but it was your average superhero movie: lots of action, not a lot of content. He felt Steve cringe every time he was on screen, and he especially enjoyed the moment where Steve faked a gag next to him, drawing his eyes away from the screen where Brock was putting his face all up on his lover. He grabbed Steve’s hand and kissed the knuckles, showing his utter love and support.

Most of the press and invited guests have already headed out to either home or the afterparty Brock was hosting when Steve and Bucky finally end up in the main hall of the theatre. They find Peggy and Angie waiting for them, and Bucky’s surprised to see Brock stomping his way over to them.

“Shouldn’t you be going home for the party? You know,  _ your _ party?” Angie asks.

“Oh, shut up, nobody asked you,” Brock grunts and turns his eyes on Steve.

“You. What did you do?”

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna need a little more intel than that. I do quite a lot of things, I’m very accomplished.”

Bucky tries to cover up his snort with a cough, but he doesn’t care that much if he fails.

“What did you tell the press? I’m getting all kinds of shit online saying you talked about me to them, and I won’t fucking take that. Especially not from a stupid little starlet like you. What, you think you made it now? You do one big movie as the token skinny blonde and you think you’re set for life?”

Bucky wants to react, his body is thrumming to respond to this dickhead, but Steve’s hand on his warns him to stay calm.

“Or are you scared that this is it? You’ll never work on another movie again, so you decided to continue your fifteen minutes of fame by trash talking me? Trust me,  _ Stevie _ ,” Brock spits out his name, “Two can play that game. How long do you think Hollywood is gonna love you when I tell them you threw yourself at me, like a little slut. Eager to fuck your way to the top, as long as it got you a good part, huh? Don’t you realize it would only take me one minute to destroy your career? Think about that next time you wanna play me, bitch.”

Alright, that’s it. Screw this fucking asshole, Bucky’s gonna tell him how he feels with his fists. Except he doesn’t have to, because Steve beats him to it. Literally. Steve swings a right hook at Brock, and Bucky can hear his fist making contact with Brock’s face. His knuckles, clad with two very heavy, very pointy rings. 

“I told you,  _ motherfucker _ , call me Miss Rogers.”

Bucky doesn’t know where to look first. Brock, wailing on the floor like a baby, grabbing the side of his face; Peggy, who Bucky has never seen smile so wide; Angie, who is filming the entire thing on her phone; or Steve, wonderful, glorious Steve who’s looking smug and angry and fucking beautiful as he takes in the scene in front of him.

“Let’s go,” Steve says before turning to leave. “Oh, and Brock? If you even think about spreading your stupid little lies, just know Angie here has been videotaping you since the moment you stormed over here. Think about  _ that _ next time you wanna play me, bitch.”

Oh God, oh good, gracious, fucking God. Bucky has never been this hard in his entire life.

He stretches his arm out to pull Steve closer by the waist and whispers as silently as he can, “Steve, we need to go home. Now. Like,  _ right fucking now _ . I need to have you.”

Steve returns the quiet hushed tone in his ear. “My tuck hurts so fucking bad right now, I am  _ incredibly _ horny.”

* * *

They make it home in one piece,  _ barely _ , and that’s only because they took a limo and no one had to focus on the road. No funny business, they had said, because Steve now needed to obtain a reputation as a good girl, but good girls could kiss in limos, couldn’t they? They could straddle their boyfriends and kiss the living daylight out of them, as long as they rolled up the partition first.

When they get to their apartment, after having to keep their hands off each other in the elevator when the old lady from the fifth floor walked in, the freedom of being in their home is the best feeling in the world.

As soon as the door closes, Bucky pushes Steve up against it, kissing him sloppy and wet, because he has no fucking patience for finesse right now, goddammit.

“Off,” Steve orders as he pushes at Bucky’s jacket. “Off, off, off!”

He yanks the jacket off and throws it in the direction of the couch, not really caring if it meets its mark.

“Pants, too. Shirt, shoes, the whole shebang, Buck.”

Bucky is eager to comply, only waiting for further instructions when he’s left standing in his boxers. 

“What the fuck are those.”

Steve is staring at his underwear, which was to be expected, they were covered in the Stars and Stripes.

“I, uh. I thought it’d be funny, you know, since you’re...America’s Sweetheart.”

Steve drops his head down, shoulders visibly shaking as he’s laughing.

“You shithead,” he exclaims as he steps closer to Bucky. “I love you so much. Take them off.”

Bucky smiles at him, and steps out of his underwear and then Steve steps closer, looking impressive in his high heels, fully dressed in front of Bucky’s naked body. Steve has no qualms about checking Bucky out while he steps out of his jumpsuit, throwing his gold chains over his shoulder. He preens at the sight of Bucky’s erection as he stands in front of him in his pink bra, pink panties, and pink heels.

“Steve, for the love of God, I need you inside me.”

Steve kisses him gently, sweetly on the lips, only aggravating Bucky, who’s out of his mind horny, and directs him to their bedroom. “Get on the bed, jerk. I gotta untuck first, but don’t have too much fun without me, okay?” He kisses him again and nudges him towards their bed.

Bucky is starfished across the bed and lazily tugging at his own cock when Steve appears again. He’s left the heels in the living room, along with his gaff and panties, but he’s kept on the bra.

“Is this okay?” he asks, with a small smile.

Bucky tries to swallow, but fails because of his dry throat. “Shit, yeah, of course it is, Stevie. Get over here.”

That seems to be all Steve needed to hear, because a grin instantly appears on his face, and he practically jumps onto the bed and on top of Bucky.

“How many fingers you want, Buck?”

“Two, just two. I really don’t have the patience for more, Stevie. Take me apart tomorrow.”

“Sure thing,” he says before he kisses him sweetly. 

They’re so used to each other in bed, comfortable. It’s not a routine, because it changes every day, but they know what they like and how they like it. Bucky grunts at the familiar feel of Steve’s fingers inside of him, massaging his inner walls, prepping him for his cock.

And when he slides in, Bucky feels content, at home. Steve fucking into him or Bucky making love to Steve, no matter if they take it slow or fast, hard or gentle, they feel their bond. Bucky is absolutely convinced that if soulmates existed, Steve would be his. Steve  _ is _ his. 

It doesn’t take long for both of them to reach their climax after all the pent up adrenaline. They’re puffing into each other’s mouths, hugging each other close and whispering sweet nothings once they catch their breaths.

“Steve?” he asks, almost nervous at his request, until he remembers who he’s talking to.

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Next time, do you wanna try fucking me in heels?”

Steve drops his forehead onto Bucky’s chest. Then he drops it again and again, punching Bucky’s chest. He kisses just above his nipple and sighs.

“I really fucking love you.”

“I really fucking love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big, massive thank you to everyone who has supported me while writing this: from my beta to my friends to the people who waited every week for a new chapter and left me a super nice comment, I love you all very much and I could not have done it without you. <333

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://itsstuckyupmybutt.tumblr.com/)!


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